Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

The following is from a real web site. I’ve changed the name to protect innocent marketers. Who knows? The CEO or other head honcho may have insisted on this homogenized marketing speak. It happens.

A Leader in reducing Cost and Complexity

Acme provides technology-based solutions for business communications that enable and deliver critical information with secure access and seamless integration. We help our clients reduce the cost and complexity of their infrastructure deployments by providing solutions that are cleverly architected and flawlessly implemented.

Experience in Successful Business Transformation

Our unique, internally developed technologies—many of which are patented—come bundled with industry-leading vendors. We have extensive expertise in helping companies solve difficult business problems and improving their access to business communications through the following offerings:

Okay, I’ve read two paragraphs and have yet to see a “you” statement relevant to me, the reader/potential customer. One would hope a technology company would offer technology-based products - and that they would, indeed, solve something.

What if the company said something like:
Have you got a roadrunner problem? Is it enough to make you howl? Acme can help - with a full line of roadrunner eradicators! (I always wondered why poor Wylie Coyote kept buying from Acme when none of their stuff worked. Maybe they have a - um - killer sales pitch?)

And, beep beep! to you!

Update: Here’s the link to the We We Calculator. How focused on the customer are you? I admit I’ve got a 1 to 1 ratio of me, me, wonderful me, to you, you, fabulous you - which ain’t great. It’s even worse if you look at the percentages of focus. But, I surmise that the fact this is a blog-driven site (with a lot of me, my, and I personal examples for you, yours, and - ur - yourly?) skews the numbers. But, I’m (um, somebody is) going to take another look.

Tags: Web Marketing, web copy writing, marketing marketing troubleshooting