Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

I sometimes joke that my life would be just about perfect, if those dang clients didn’t want me to actually do something for the nice checks they send me. (But, I’m joking - I’ve got great clients with whom I love working. Really! Keep calling and bugging me!) Then, this morning I read Seth Godin’s post re Four Paws Design. The on-line pet boutique has this in their FAQs:

Unfortunately, we can no longer take phone orders. Customers forget to tell us something and after the order is placed and processed they claim we wrote down incorrect information. By placing an order online we have a record of exactly what you want, especially for custom-designed items, leaving no room for error.

Wait - it gets better (worse) - My jaw literally dropped when I read their entire FAQ sheet. In addition to no phone orders (from you stupid people) they also don’t take checks since, “Over 90% of people who want to pay by check forget to. This ties up merchandise that would otherwise be sold immediately, especially during the busy holiday season.”

Then there is:

What happens if my package never arrives or is damaged upon arrival?
Every item that leaves our premises is in 100% perfect condition, unless otherwise noted in its description. As a small business we do not include insurance coverage in our shipping costs. As a result, we cannot be held responsible for lost, stolen, or damaged packages. If your package arrives in a damaged box, it is your responsibility to contact your local post office for compensation. All orders are shipped via the United States Postal Service (USPS) using Delivery Confirmation. Many times your package may be sitting in your post office waiting for pickup.

and

Why don’t you list your phone number?
Like you, we do not want telemarketers calling us!

This terrible, negative tone runs throughout the FAQs.

Ouch! I’m downright embarassed for Four Paws Design. Their policy and tone is a classic example of how NOT to succeed (particularly as a small on-line business). Get help, Four Paws! I’ll even give you 15 minutes of free phone consultation (Yes, I encourage people to contact me!)

And, last but not least - Four Paws is also an example of why you really need to be careful when hiring a web designer. They offer web design as a service (yes, it seems a bit (lot) odd there along with pet products) - and their site does just about everything wrong, from both a technical and marketing perspective.

Tags: customer service, web design, web marketing, marketing, marketing troubleshooting