Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

Your revenues and market share will be back up in no time! Sure, I’m being sarcastic, but this is how way too many companies operate.

Via Seth Godin, Teaching customers a lesson - a sad and yet terribly funny problem with Lycos (from idaho-hum). The emails back and forth are classic. Here’s a couple from Lycos:

I am the manager at Lycos.
Your e-mail will not be restored, as it’s been more than 48 hours since you were notified as to what you had to do. Our policy is clear, and clearly stated on the homepage, whether or not you choose to look at it.
Nothing will be done for you.

(customer responds)

I am the manager of all of Customer Service. There is no one higher than me that you will speak with. You violated our policy, which is, despite what you say, completely clear. No one is holding anything hostage. Your e-mails have been completely deleted, and no amount of money can now restore them.

Now, let’s put aside customer responsibilities, failure to read fine print, free versus fee services. etc. etc. All this is discussed, analyzed, and generally beaten to death in the comments on the post. And, of course, there are the usual goofballs, with way too much time on their hands, taking the guy to task over “whining.” Here are two things that are just jaw-dropping, blindingly stupid.

“There is no one higher than me that you will speak with.” I’m sure Brian Kalinowski, Chief Operating Officer of Lycos, will be interested to hear this. I was told the same thing by a customer service rep at a credit card company years ago. I called the CEO’s office, and gosh, turns out he had more power than the rep. Go figure.

“Nothing will be done for you.” I don’t really have to talk about how moronic this is - do I? Just for fun, I clicked on My Lycos and see, “All of us here at Lycos appreciate your continued support.” Right, you’ll do nothing for your users, but you want support (as in fork over the money, you dumb customers! We’ve got executive bonuses to pay!)

Also, their customer service link from the Lycos press room takes you right back to the home page. Well, at least they’re being consistent- they’ve got no interest in providing actual service. But, man, oh man, they’re crankin’ out a steady stream of shiny corporate speak press releases!

P.S. Check out the entire idaho-hum blog (He’s been “Leading the fight against boredom in Idaho since Thursday.” Heads up: He has a decidely irreverent, liberal bent.)

Related Post: That’ll Teach Ya!
All my Service Stars & Snafus posts

Tags: customer loyalty, customer service, marketing, marketing troubleshooting, service stars and snafus, Lycos