Martini Musing - Mary’s Maxims & Recipes
It’s Friday martini time again! What does Daniel Craig have to do with any of the following? Not much. I just llke looking at him as 007, holding a ‘tooni. Hey, it is Friday and it is my blog.
On to Maxims:
1. Never say “I’ve not had a cold since I can’t remember.” Ah-choo!
2. Keep the vodka bottle in the freezer - along with the martini glass.
3. The more a company natters on about integrity, the less likely they are to actually have it. (If they’ve got big fancy signs all over the place, listing their values…run, run like the wind.)
4. The more a company talks about their commitment to customers - the more Dilbert cartoons will be plastered in the employees’ cubicles.
5. When a CEO talks about how much he values “our team” - a layoff is likely looming. (And, he’ll still get his “performance” bonus.)
6. The more an “expert” talks about his or her “expertness” - the less likely they’ll deliver real value. (”Hey, get off that consultant high horse and come down and work with us real people.”)
7. If your marketing strategy is longer than one page, you’re doing something wrong.
8. The more concerned a CEO is with his or her “C-ness” majesty - the less likely they’ll actually do anything worthwhile. This applies to start-ups as well as ginormous companies. There’s something about that CEO title…and, sadly, it’s the only way some really small people will ever feel big.
9. The minute someone says “It’s not personal” - it just got painfully so. All business is personal.
10. There’s always hope. We gotta start somewhere.
11. Miracles do happen. Miracle is the only way I can explain why more people don’t die in shopping center parking lots. The pedestrians don’t look and the drivers don’t slow down. Check out your local Wal-Mart sometime. People plod, waddle, totter and stroll, with nary a glance left or right. Drivers zoom right over the speed bumps and through the stop signs, looking neither left, right or back. Glory, Glory! It’s A Miracle!
12. Laugh when you least feel like it. It’ll help. To paraphrase one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes, Life is both too important and too short to take it (or ourselves) too seriously.
The Ultimate Friday Martini Time Recipe:
1. Take vodka bottle and glass out of freezer.
2. Pour contents of first into second.
3. Open fridge door and gaze fondly at vermouth. Shut door.
4. Add three tomolives (pickled green tomatoes), three big green olives, cocktail onions, or pickled okra (or combination of any three.)
5. Toast the sunset.
6. Sip remainder while listening to suitable ‘tooni music (Ella, Miles, Monk, Marsalis, Nat King Cole, Dino, etc.) and reading something by Somerset Maugham, Evelyn Waugh, or John O’Hara. (Or, if the library had it, the latest issue of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Season 8.)
7. Repeat steps 1 through 4 as necessary. (However, make any necessary phone calls before the second round, then unplug the phone. Third rounds are only in case of severe emergency.)
8. Fall asleep in big chair watching Angel Season One.
The Ultimate Saturday Not Martini Time Recipe:
1. Leave vodka in freezer.
2. Open good bottle of crisp, cold white wine.
3. Invite good friend(s) over.
4. Order pizza from local Mom & Pop. (Bonus points if they’re first generation immigrants.)
5. Get silly. It’ll be Monday soon enough.
Want to read something (semi) serious about marketing to Baby Boomer women? Check out my post today at Lip-sticking, What’s Next? Thong Depends?
Got a maxim, recipe or thought (silly or otherwise)? Leave it below. I do moderate all comments though (before ‘toonis) so it may take a bit to show up. Thanks for reading and Happy Happy Hour!
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