My Favorite Marketing Snake Oil Pitches
In these days of increasingly complex business schemes and highly scientific marketing research - I actually rather enjoy the hoary “there’s a sucker born every minute” pitches. So, here are a few that make me (ruefully) chuckle.
“IF IT WASN’T TRUE WE COULDN’T SAY IT ON T.V.!” This is my latest favorite - yep, right now in 2008. The authoritative-sounding male announcer repeats this LOUDLY at least five times in 10 seconds, and the text is splashed repeatedly across the screen. Golleeee, Joe Bob! Hand me the barbecue pork rinds! I can now eat all I want and still lose weight! Yes! THAT’S RIGHT! YOU CAN EAT ALL YOU WANT AND STILL LOSE WEIGHT! And, of course, they couldn’t say it if it wasn’t true! I really like the expanded version of the commercial where a very young babelicious model (wearing glasses and a white coat so she looks - ya know - smart) is presented as a “renowned Beverly Hills physician.”
“Absolutely 100% Risk Free!” Oh please. If nothing else, I’m risking my time to review or install. And what happens if when I install the product, it breaks something else? Oops, sorry, that’s not our problem.
“We Guarantee Satisfaction Or Your Money Back!” Of course, they’re counting on most of us not taking the time (or money) to fill out the return form, find a box, pack it, and pay to mail it back. Then, if we do all that - the company will still hold onto the money for at least another three months.
“Free 30 Day Trial!” And, in teeny-tiny fine print, there are all kinds of conditions…and your credit card will be automatically billed for the full amount at 12:01 a.m. on the 31st day.
No Credit Card Required! (for that free trial or special offer on the web site). Then, they force you to give them the credit card information. But, of course, they’ll only charge it if you decide to keep the product (See above re 12:01 a.m. on 31st day.) This used to be one of AOL’s tricks - dunno if they’re still doing it.
Now For A Limited Time! Only $19.95!* Beware the asterisk. That $19.95 is only the hook. At the very least, they’re going to whack you for additional charges of some kind - shipping, special handling, etc. That $19.95 could also be the first payment on $1995.00, which will be automatically charged after that “free” trial. And, you may eventually get your money back…after hours of effort…and the company has had the use of your $ for months and months.
Related Posts:
Over 1 Million People Have Already Called!
Losing The Sale With One Symbol
That Ol’ Time Snake Oil GAR-an-tee!
Flim-Flam - Snake Oil - Buzz Marketing
Oh Boy! A Free Account Review
Read More: The Seven Deadly Claims , Jeff Sexton at GrokDotCom.
What are some of your favorite marketing c’mons?
Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, advertising, emarketing, commercials
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August 7th, 2008 at 10:34 am
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August 16th, 2008 at 5:23 am
Personally, I love “This is a limited offer. If you navigate away from this page, this offer will not be repeated”. Followed by two buttons: one usually says something like “Yes! Improve my Life!” and the other “No thanks, I’ll ingnore this great opportunity”.
August 16th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Yep, especially when you know you will also be bombarded with “THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE” emails if they have your email address.