Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

The recent shameful mess (and media pile-on) re the firing of Shirley Sherrod is yet another example of otherwise intelligent people blindly reacting.  Instead of taking time (in the Google age, this could be – gasp – long minutes) to do some research and find out the truth and context of Ms. Sherrod’s remarks, the USDA went into full political panic mode (“We’re under attack”  “OMG, Sherrod is racist!”)…and to add insult to injury, they forced her to pull over to the side of the road and submit her resignation via her Blackberry. (?!!!)

She is reportedly uncertain if she’d go back to work for the USDA (or any other government post). Well. Duh.

So, this is a “learnable moment” for all of us.

When confronted with an issue (first make sure it IS an issue.)

Stop.

Breathe.

Think.

Then don’t rush to the keyboard or phone.

What’s the outcome you need from this?

Then proceed.

(Me?  Sometimes I wait a whole day, before doing anything…maybe even the weekend! World hasn’t ended yet.)

P.S. Sometimes it’s best to do or say nothing.  A radical concept in today’s tweeting, you-tubing world, I know.

Yes, I brought Apple’s incredibly sophisticated system to its knees, armed with only a credit card and a keyboard.

I recently bought a game for a friend’s iPad – did the usual “send an email with the code” for his b’day.  Easy peasy,  right?

Wrong.  Long story short – after hours on the phone with iTunes, my friend gave up.  Apple escalated the “bug” way up the techie food chain.   When asked (finally) if they could simply give him a different code – the answer was “nope” -  due to technical error. They HAD to fix that bug!

I finally emailed and asked for a refund.  I got it, but only after I had to send them a copy of my electronic receipt with the order number (that they – ahem – generated in the first place.)

My friend reports that Apple claims the bug is finally fixed.  But my friend doesn’t have his game and Apple is out ten bucks.

Here’s what they should have done.

When my friend first called – they should have issued a new code.  If there was a problem with that code, they should have issued a credit to be used for something else.

They should also have given my friend the option to stay on the line while they tried to rectify the issue right then.

Concurrently, if I asked for a refund – it shouldn’t have required my sending them their own info, and having to dig through their web site to find a way to make the request, since I couldn’t – duh – reply to Apple’s “Do Not Reply” email that included my receipt.

Apple – “cool” company that it may be – did exactly what so many “uncool” companies have done for decades.  They focused on fixing their internal system problem…instead of fixing the customer’s problem.

Maureen Dowd: Miami’s Hoops Cartel “LeBron and the James Gang make a big public relations mistake.”

I’m far from a sports fan.  The last time I really paid any attention, the Detroit Lions were – um – in Detroit. And, I went to OU, when football players could do anything they wanted…one thing they didn’t have to do was attend class.   Never was a b-ball fan, unless it involved a cute guy in high school…;-)

But, even I couldn’t miss the recent LeBron James angst, anxiety and general hoo-ha.  Sports aside – I found the whole flap and foolishness interesting from both a sociological and marketing standpoint.

Sports stars move around all the time – but LeBron was showing both his immaturity and lack of EQ in the way he left Cleveland.   Not even a bone tossed to the fans who buy the tickets that pay his salary.  Totally tone deaf in making his announcement from Greenwich, CT?!? in a television “special.”

Merchandise sales? Um, not so much.  Endorsements?

Hmmm…maybe LeBron should talk to Tiger Woods about “brand management.”

Certainly memories fade…but one injury could end his career in the very first Heat game.  Then what?

(Semi) Related Post: It’s Not Tiger Woods Fault

“Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?” (Robert Benchley to Ginger Rogers in “The Major and the Minor,” a 1942 movie)

Ah, it’s Friday again. It’s been extremely hectic around the Schmidt office and casa of late, as you may have inferred from lack of blog posts. But, whatever happens – good or bad – Friday always arrives, doesn’t it?

So, in the spirit of TGIF – and for ‘tooni drinkers everywhere – a few classics re “our” favorite drink.

The Thin Man movie (first one, the sequels got progressively worse). I get woozy just watching them pound down the ‘toonis (“Will your bring me five more martinis, Leo?”), but Myrna Loy is sheer delight. Alcoholism never looked so glam.

Martini time with W.H. Auden (Lovely article about a relationship with the poet.)

M.F.K. Fisher: Martini-Zheen, Anyone? (Gourmet archives, 1957; I’m happy to say I own an original issue with article.)

Mental Floss: 10 Famous Martini Preferences

#5:Alfred Hitchcock and Winston Churchill had the same idea – Hitch said the closest he wanted to get to a bottle of vermouth was looking at it from across the room. That quote is often attributed to Churchill, actually, but the Washington Post says otherwise… Churchill is misquoted all of the time, so I’m inclined to believe them. (I gaze fondly at the vermouth and then gently shut the fridge door…(yes, I do occasionally use it, but hardly ever in my Friday evening martinis.)

Happy Friday to all.

I “built” a potting/work table on my back patio, using left-over wood and a sturdy folding table. It certainly isn’t Pottery Barn catalog quality – but it works (and it costs me a whole lot less than PB.) The table actually looks rather cool – in a ReadyMade, re-purposing, funky sort of way.

It’s not perfect, but it works for me, the user. And I’m certainly happy with the price (next to free.)

So it goes in product development. Sometimes developers get so focused on the looks – they short-change the functionality. Need real-world examples? Think of all those web sites that look great…and don’t deliver what you need.

What is it with product names? First the iPad, now the Streak (Feel free to make your own mental adolescent jokes here).

Full disclosure: I have an iPad, and I love it – because it’s both fun AND functional. (Sales tip: It makes one-on-one presentations both more impressive and personal – and you don’t have to jump through the “user-friendly” hoops of PowerPoint.)

Dell is (once again) trying to go head-to-head with Apple. My prediction? The Streak will be bought by people who don’t want to spring for the iPad, and they may even be happy with it (If they can deal with the much smaller screen). But, will enough of them buy to make Dell’s CFO happy? I doubt it.

I’d also like to have been in the back rooms when Dell decided to release in the UK first. Hmmm….While they’re over there, Apple’s over here – getting all the early adopters and buzzy buzz. The Streak will supposedly be released in the U.S. “later this summer” Really? Bug-free and better than anything Apple offers? I’ll believe it when I see it.

Am I’m being unfair? Maybe. Am I biased? Certainly. However, think about it – when you hear the word “Dell” – is the first (or even third) word you immediately think of “innovation?” What about “fun?” (Even gray-haired “serious” CEOs like to have fun.) No? Well, I rest my case.

Need a little more convincing? Here goes.

From the Dell press release:
“The Dell Streak is a compact and powerful companion for people who want to expand their ability to access their digital lives on the go, and realize tomorrow’s technology today,” the company said. “The spacious 5-inch screen is ideal for experiencing thousands of Android Market widgets, games and applications, all without squinting or compromising portability. Built-in Wi-Fi, Bluetooth and available 3G connectivity brings easy access for downloading and listening to music, updating social networking status in real-time, and staying connected to friends and family through e-mail, text, IM, and voice calls.”

Ron Garriques, president of Dell’s Communication Solutions Group, said the Streak “hits the sweet spot between traditional smartphones and larger-screen tablets.”

Zzzzzz…what? what? Sorry I dozed off there. Yep, we customers get all excited about sweet spots…;-)

And why does “in-between” make me think of the old SNL skit: “It’s a dessert topping AND a floor wax!” (Dell’s Kevin Andrew says the Streak is “kind of the perfect in-between device.” ) Kind of??? That reminds me of those cheapo gimcrackery products you can buy on late-night television (combo toaster, egg poacher and bacon fryer anyone? What? You want three? Heh.)

Read More: The Dell Streak is Not a Tablet, Lance Ulanoff, PCMag. (He likes the name, btw. Guess he’s more mature than me.)

CenturyTel is now CenturyLink. yippee.

“CenturyLink was selected as the brand name to reflect a forward-looking company that is committed to linking the country together, connecting people and creating opportunities,” the company said in a statement.

CenturyTel – ur – CenturyLink is the future owner of Qwest – which provides my phone, internet and television service. As a customer, I couldn’t care less what they name the company – a name doesn’t affect my service or price. As a customer and a marketer – I can only wonder and ponder at the time and dollars that went into this NEW name. Time and dollars that could be far better spent on something such as improving the customer billing process or service.

Oh there I go again…

NYT: Doomsayers Beware, a Bright Future Beckons

I like to think of myself as an optimistic realist…or a realistic optimist, depending on the day and issue. (And yes, there are times I’m a cranky cynic; I’m also human.)

Regardless of my mood, I’m weary (and wary) of the constant bombardment of doom we face 24/7.  I try to keep it in perspective – we’ve always been one epidemic, meteor or mad man away from Armageddon.  And, I’m sure that when our first ancestor dropped out of the tree to forage, there was a lot of hysterical screaming, “No, NO! OG! You’ll die! Something will eat you! Come back! Come back!. GET BACK!” (Of course, all that probably sounded more like, “SCREECH! Oogga, ooga, UH! HU! SCREECH” …but I digress…)

That’s why I was heartened to read of several books in NYT – all of which point out that somehow we keep chugging along.  Civilization keeps getting more – um – civilized.  Think about it – even in our current toxic political climate – Obama didn’t have Sarah Palin beheaded (of course, she probably would have kept right on moving around,  flappin’ – like the headless chickens my grandmom dispatched on a regular basis)…George Bush didn’t look Al Gore in the tower.  None of our leaders have fought in a duel lately.  London isn’t literally sitting atop rivers of sh**.  Billions have access to clean water (although at least a billion people don’t. We need to work on that. Some predict the next world war will be fought over water, not oil.)

We’ve made some progress over the years. As noted in NYT about “The Rational Optimist,” by Matt Ridley.

It does much more than debunk the doomsaying. Dr. Ridley provides a grand unified theory of history from the Stone Age to the better age awaiting us in 2100.

What made Homo sapiens so special? Dr. Ridley argues that it wasn’t our big brain, because Neanderthals had a big brain, too. Nor was it our willingness to help one another, because apes and other social animals also had an instinct for reciprocity.

“At some point,” Dr. Ridley writes, “after millions of years of indulging in reciprocal back-scratching of gradually increasing intensity, one species, and one alone, stumbled upon an entirely different trick. Adam gave Oz an object in exchange for a different object.”

The evidence for this trick is in perforated seashells from more than 80,000 years ago that ended up far from the nearest coast, an indication that inlanders were bartering to get ornamental seashells from coastal dwellers. Unlike the contemporary Neanderthals, who apparently relied just on local resources, those modern humans could shop for imports.

Ah – shopping!  We can save the world with shopping!  But seriously – Ridley goes on to talk about innovation coming from the bottom up – from entrepreneurs.

Rulers like to take credit for the advances during their reigns, and scientists like to see their theories as the source of technological progress. But Dr. Ridley argues that they’ve both got it backward: traders’ wealth builds empires, and entrepreneurial tinkerers are more likely to inspire scientists than vice versa. From Stone Age seashells to the steam engine to the personal computer, innovation has mostly been a bottom-up process.

“Forget wars, religions, famines and poems for the moment,” Dr. Ridley writes. “This is history’s greatest theme: the metastasis of exchange, specialization and the invention it has called forth, the ‘creation’ of time.”

Now, I’m going to go use some of my time for gardening (and perhaps some shopping for the garden…;-) Y’all have a great weekend.

This is one way you can separate the grown-ups from the “kids.” (and kids come in all ages)…the pros from the amateurs.

Pros sometimes fail – we all do.  But, they don’t give you a lot of increasingly lame excuses.  (“My dog didn’t bite you.” “It’s not my dog.” “I don’t have a dog.”)   They give you reasons.  If they fracked up, they’re the first to tell you. Then they give you ideas  how they’ll fix the  problem, without being prompted.

A pro doesn’t wait for you to figure out there’s a problem.  He steps up and admits it. Then, he goes to work to fix it.

A pro doesn’t ask for long detailed lists of how to do a task or project (after all, why are you paying her if you have to do that much ’splaining?)  She has the experience to know what needs to be done to accomplish the goal.

Pros know excuses don’t do anybody any good…particularly when the client is paying for results.

Sniveling demon minion to Lucifer: “But I did my best!”
Lucifer: “Do the best of somebody BETTER!!!!”

That bit of dialogue is from Supernatural, a television show that consistently ends up on critics’ top ten lists.  (It also has a killer soundtrack of classic road trippin’ R&R from the 70s and 80s. I got into a lot of fondly – albeit somewhat hazily remembered – trouble with many of these songs playin’.)

Of course, you’d expect management with fear in Hell. It should be noted, however, that sniveling minions can turn (and demons ain’t exactly trustworthy to begin with…duh-oh).

But – to be fair to Lucifer (it’s my blog and it’s Friday) – doing our best isn’t always good enough. Yet, some folks seem to think trying is sufficient and they should be compensated accordingly. This is especially a problem in non-profits. I’ve worked with more than one senior staffer or ED who were utterly aghast that they might be held accountable for actual results. (“But, I can’t control the donations!”)

Certainly, we should all try to be our best (bonus points to anyone who knows that TV show reference)…yet, we also need to recognize when that may not be enough…when to admit it and move on…or when to call in someone better (and pay them for results.) Me? I’m good, even excellent, at a lot of things. I – um – suck at others. Lessons learned and wisdom hard-earned.

Happy Friday! (I’m hoping the complete Season 4 of Supernatural shows up in the mailbox today. Total geek-out, enabled by that instrument of the Devil, Amazon one-click.)

P.S. I also highly recommend Vampire Diaries, which precedes Supernatural every Thursday.  So much for the CW targeting the young and pretty demographic.

Other TV recommendations (that you can queue up at Hulu and watch on the weekends) : Justified (based on Elmore Leonard’s characters – US Marshal in Kentucky): Fringe (Sci-Fi/Fantasy with terrific acting.  Watch  episode “White Tulip” to see why it’s must-see for me – wayyy out there sci-fi and a very human story about love, loss and letting go); Modern Family (sit-com).