Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

Maureen Dowd: Miami’s Hoops Cartel “LeBron and the James Gang make a big public relations mistake.”

I’m far from a sports fan.  The last time I really paid any attention, the Detroit Lions were – um – in Detroit. And, I went to OU, when football players could do anything they wanted…one thing they didn’t have to do was attend class.   Never was a b-ball fan, unless it involved a cute guy in high school…;-)

But, even I couldn’t miss the recent LeBron James angst, anxiety and general hoo-ha.  Sports aside – I found the whole flap and foolishness interesting from both a sociological and marketing standpoint.

Sports stars move around all the time – but LeBron was showing both his immaturity and lack of EQ in the way he left Cleveland.   Not even a bone tossed to the fans who buy the tickets that pay his salary.  Totally tone deaf in making his announcement from Greenwich, CT?!? in a television “special.”

Merchandise sales? Um, not so much.  Endorsements?

Hmmm…maybe LeBron should talk to Tiger Woods about “brand management.”

Certainly memories fade…but one injury could end his career in the very first Heat game.  Then what?

(Semi) Related Post: It’s Not Tiger Woods Fault

CenturyTel is now CenturyLink. yippee.

“CenturyLink was selected as the brand name to reflect a forward-looking company that is committed to linking the country together, connecting people and creating opportunities,” the company said in a statement.

CenturyTel – ur – CenturyLink is the future owner of Qwest – which provides my phone, internet and television service. As a customer, I couldn’t care less what they name the company – a name doesn’t affect my service or price. As a customer and a marketer – I can only wonder and ponder at the time and dollars that went into this NEW name. Time and dollars that could be far better spent on something such as improving the customer billing process or service.

Oh there I go again…

Ad Age: Fast Food: KFC’s Stunts Make Nightly News But Don’t Stop Sales Slide

By now you’ve probably seen the ads for the Double Down, a “sandwich” made of two pieces of fried chicken, cheese and bacon (but, not to worry – you can also get a healthy grilled version!) It’s the latest in KFC’s increasingly desperate bid to retain market share.

Another example of what happens when you can’t deliver on your marketing promises.

“Brands such as Chick-fil-A. The much-smaller chain, at least by locations, has built a cult-like following with high-quality sandwiches, better-for-you options, excellent service and clean stores.”

“In a widely reported promotional disaster, the brand tapped Oprah to offer free product samples and was unable to manage the overwhelming response.”

“The chain had a similar problem with a web coupon in China last week, offering half off certain items. When it was copied on other websites and widely downloaded, KFC couldn’t handle the volume, and some consumers reacted violently.”

As I noted in Real People. Fake Signs – the healthcare IT industry has glommed onto “meaningful use” with a vengeance.  Never mind that:  1. once you’ve heard the term for the 400th time, it loses any meaning. 2. Everyone else is saying the same thing.  Rather like that wonderful (ack, ack) term, “innovative solutions.” And, of course, everyone is also a “leader”…;-)

Same goes for “cloud” and “source” The hot, buzzy-buzz for “cloud computing” and “open source”  means a thundering herd has stampeded to “brand” themselves with one or both terms in their company names.  And, so?  Nothing wrong with either word…but a snazzy name never sold a single product.

Spend less time on the name, more time on product development and your customers will thank (and buy from) you.

…and silly, non-descriptive names like Google?  Nah, that’ll never work.

I just got back from a ginormous trade show, HIMSS 10 (Healthcare Information and Management Systems Society). Overall, the event was well done and extremely well organized, with a number of education tracks that were truly educational (as opposed to ill-disguised vendor sales pitches so common in trade events.)

I was also very impressed by the presentation by Aneesh Chopra, the first federal-level CTO.   He exudes a combination of enthusiasm and competency, keeping buzz words to a minimum. I actually got excited about things that the government is doing on the Web. (Yes, the federal government.)

The challenge, as he noted, is the difference between “There’s an app for that” (the 24/7  flattened, blazin’ speed  world today) and “there’s a form for that.” (the traditional government way.)   I was even more impressed that after he spoke, he turned the meeting into a town hall gathering and took questions for another hour or so, welcoming the good, bad and ugly input.

He was real…as were many of the folks I talked to over three days.  However, most of the the marketing collateral and booth signage was – well – fake.  Lots of “innovative technology solutions for premier customer service” lines.  And, the term “meaningful use” lost all meaning after I’d seen it for about the 400th time. (do you really care?)

One BIG blurb by a BIG company took three paragraphs to get to what they actually did (and even that was a generic description.)  I’d walk up to a booth, read all the signs, look at the printed materials…and then ask a booth worker, “Yes, but WHAT do you do?”  Sometimes it took  more than one follow-up question to get a glimmer. (Some people had definitely drank the marketing kool-aid.)

Trade shows: Where old corporate marketing speak never dies…it just gets LOUDER…;-)

“Multi-platform communities based on branded content”

“Leveraging its leading brands across its global footprint.”

So, can you tell what this means? What company is doing this (big tip-off – the image)? Do you care? If you’re an employee of a company doing this – doesn’t it make you want to LEAP out of bed in the morning and get to LEVERAGING? (“Snooze button, where’s the snooze button?”)

…And that’s why I’ll never make the big money that the “brilliant management consultants” get when they descend on a company with their book of catch phrases and spreadsheets. I simply couldn’t say (or write) such things without grinning at the corporate hoo-ha.

In this case, it’s what Reader’s Digest is apparently doing, having emerged from bankruptcy last week, with lots of help from those consultants.

What ever happened to printing things people wanted to read? And, why is it always – um – apparently necessary to choose between “nice” and “necessary?”

P.S. Reportedly Reader’s Digest used to be a wonderful place to work (no leveraging, but lots of benefits and consideration). Layoffs began in 1990 when the company went public and have continued to this day. (The “Reduction in Force” that Wall Street so loves…)

Related Post: Run! Run Like The Wind If You Hear…

A bit of whimsy…with a point…NYT: Tying Up Loose Ends With ‘Oprah,’ ‘Mad Men,’ Wine Clubs and More

It is time again to ask 20 questions about advertising, marketing, the media and popular culture…Now that the home furnishings retailer CB2 is offering a “Draper sofa,” will it be sold with ads promising shoppers that they, too, can enjoy the domestic misery that is the home life of Don Draper on “Mad Men”?

The article also ponders whether the copywriters who created an ad for the Chrysler Town and Country minivan sold by the Chrysler Group “realize that when they described the extended maintenance plan as ‘wonderfully gratuitous,’ that the word ‘gratuitous’ can mean not called for or unwarranted as well as giving unearned or free?”

And…”How many consumers actually took the advice of the Kimberly-Clark Corporation to ‘make this summer special with Viva towels’”?

All of which illustrate you can pay big bucks to supposedly big brains in marketing…and get…???

I’m off to ponder how any paper towel could make a summer special…;-)

I couldn’t care less with whom Tiger Woods sleeps…of course, I feel badly for his wife…but ultimately his life is none of my business.  And so we come to the Accenture “brand problem.” 

For Accenture, the corporate consultancy that on Sunday announced it would discontinue its six-year relationship with the celebrity golfer, Woods is so tightly intertwined in every component of its brand – appearing even on company stationery – that it must now essentially start from scratch to redefine itself to the public and its clients.

Stationary??? Here’s the thing – what on earth were they doing using Woods as a front person anyway?  He plays golf…They’re supposed to be a big-brain “corporate consultancy.”

A classic case of no-brain lazy marketing…substituting glitz for substance.

AOL – um, Aol. – just unveiled their new logo (which will have changing backgrounds, such as the cute fish).  Some call it lame, others like it. I’d be more concerned – if I were an Aol. marketer (or stockholder) – with what’s going on behind the logo.

What’s happening with product development? How are we addressing the perception that we’re “your Dad’s Internet”… or “the My Little Pony of Internet brands?” [I don't think the fish is gonna help with that one]…or that our (old people) users are “clueless?” (aol. still have millions of ‘em, and some must have at least one clue…but how to keep them when they get two?) And, how are those “creative” images going to play in other countries? (AOL has made cultural missteps before, such as in Latin America.)

Not to mention that period drives old English majors crazy. It’s. just. wrong. to misuse a period. like that….;-)

The period is an important addition, according to Maurine Sullivan, chief of staff for AOL. “The period is really a pivot point to show the breadth and depth of our content and products that we are focused on delivering,” she says. It shows that we are standing behind the AOL brand, and the period invokes that.”

Wow. That’s a lot to ask from one little dot…

Related Post: Would You Do Business With BobJack258@aol.com?

I admit – I’m addicted to Google. Instead of digging through files, the phone book, or my own contact list – I pop up to the top and enter the name of the company I need to call. (I type wicked fast – “Albuquerque” goes by in a blur.)

Today, I searched on a word (which is also the full name of the company I needed)…and the company’s competitor (who also use the word in their name) came up, very first result (and not a sponsored link.) No sign of the company I really wanted to call (and these otherwise smart folks also tout their web marketing expertise…hmmm…) So, why didn’t I find them?

Apparently, someone decided to get “creative” (It’s BRANDING!) with the company name (a very common three-syllable word)..inserting a hypen (grammatically incorrect), capitalizing some other letters and adding an exclamation point. If I want to find the company, I have to enter the name EX-ACTLY! as they have it in their Lo-GO!

Wonder how many people bother?

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You Got My Name Wrong!
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I Don’t Get Any Business From My Web Site