Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But, doesn’t it seem like anger is a goal of some companies? (And their IVR systems are specifically designed to make our heads explode…;-)

Earlier this week I got what looked like a mass mailing from AAA. Normally this stuff goes right into recycling, but for whatever reason, I opened this one…to see big red letters! THIRD REQUEST. RESPOND IMMEDIATELY! AAA simply HAD TO HAD HAVE the questionnaire back from me re odometer reading and drivers or they’d cancel my auto insurance. Of course, they’ve had my money since April (and no claims.)

So, I call and ask why they were threatening me. The nice woman tried to walk it back when I noted that GEICO (20+ years as a customer) never asked for such things (or threatened to cancel my insurance.) “We might be able to lower your rate with a current odometer reading, since we use mileage as one of our calculations.” Uh-huh. GEICO also uses mileage.

Hmmm…the company might be able to help me…so they begin by threatening me. Way to engage with your customer! Drive ‘em to your competitor.

Now, normally I’d probably have rolled my eyes, filled out the form and moved on. But, AAA picked the wrongggggg day to dance on my last quivering nerve. Long story short, I went back to GEICO that very day (and saved a big chunk of change.)

Then, when I called AAA to cancel I was told I’d have to fill out a hard copy form and fax or mail back (Uh, now I’ve got to dig up a stamp too. Wonder if I have any left from Xmas?) “Can’t I do it online?” “Can I scan it in and email it? “No. And, we don’t accept outside emails.” And, whoever wrote the call center scripts needs some help. The AAA rep didn’t even ask why I was canceling. (There should be a big red flashing sign in the service center whenever someone calls to cancel. OPPORTUNITY!)

Funny. I can pay online, lickety-split. Luckily, there’s an AAA office not far from home. The agent even filled out the form for me. I was a former customer in about three minutes.

I still like AAA’s road/travel service but with this snafu, I’m looking for other options to that as well.

P.S. GEICO sent me an email offering to cancel the previous insurance for me. Hmmm…

Related Posts:
Why I left GEICO in the first place – Losing A Loyal Customer for $104
What About Vendor Loyalty?
Creating Customer Loyalty for Only 44 Cents
I’ll Bring You More Olives!
If You Fire (Dis) A Customer
The Root Cause of Big Finance’s Melt-Down

Building a web app? Doesn’t matter if it’s a B2B – the people using it are also using sites like Amazon and Zappos. THOSE are your real competition.

Yesterday I finally decided to replace my worn-out Teva sandals…and I HATE to buy shoes. So, I made my standard kamikaze run by the local big shoe store. No Tevas in black, in my size. No alternatives either. However, I give the sales clerk kudos for trying to help a grump who hates to buy shoes, but wants to buy them in under five minutes. The whole futile experience made me even grumpier for the rest of the day.

This morning I went to Zappos. Found a pair I liked and bought them in under two minutes (including setting up my new account.) Easy to search. Easy to enter info. Required fields clearly marked. Screens load super fast. (And the customer reviews quickly convinced me this was the pair for me.) The site also looks clean and uncluttered (no easy feat when you’re selling that much stuff.)

Which brings me to the ongoing challenge of building applications, particularly those intended for the Web.

User expectations are set by: Amazon (one-click; I went there this a.m. as well, $30 spent in a minute) and Zappos (with free shipping back and forth AND the great service reputation)

NOT you. The app may work “just fine” for the developer – but if it doesn’t work for the user, it’s broken. (And if it looks crappy, it doesn’t matter if it “works,” it’s broken.)

Thanks, Zappos. (I spent 80 bucks in less than two minutes, and am HAPPY about it.)

Just as I was thinking I should resurrect my Twitter account (to follow Lauren Bacall, Craig Ferguson, Coco, and a select few others, such as Roxanne Darling and Michele Miller…no Ashton or Demi, thank you) – I see this headline from my Wired feed:Twitter Unveils Ad-Supported Business Model

Twitter announced Tuesday that it will start showing some sponsored Tweets on some search pages, taking a cautious first step into a traditional advertising business model that could provide a steady source of revenue for the four-year-old, billion-dollar start-up, which doesn’t yet make any serious money.

Why “traditional?” This is the cool, new hip world – we’re all connected, we’re all friends, we’re all singing Kubaya all the time! Who cares about evil lucre? We do. Businesses still need to make money, even when they have names like Twitter, Facebook…and Google.

So, why oh why? Desperation that’s why.  Because “they’re a four-year-old, billion-dollar start-up, which doesn’t yet make any serious money.”

Another example of an idea in search of a business AND how sex still sells in the investor world, despite all the logical reasons VCs give for funding/not funding a company. Plan? Who needs a plan? Show ‘em something new. shiny and HOT!!!…and oh ah! The money wires start to sing. (I KNOW most of these guys are old enough to remember the .com bust.  Some of them may have even been around for that Dutch tulip fiasco.)

I don’t have the answer for Twitter…but would be happy to take part of the $4B to figure it out…;-)

Read more: Twitter Announcements Unnerve Developers (It’s got to be a bit unnerving to Twitter that others are making money from Twitter…)

Recommended Reading: Extraordinary Popular Delusions and The Madness of Crowds

Tiffany is probably a lovely, hard-working person. All I know about her is she’s a hair loss specialist with a completely clueless PR agent, who spammed me today.

Dear Ms. Schmidt,

Hair loss is scary, but the myths surrounding it can be even worse:

–Avoid wearing hats

–Washing your hair too often will make it fall out

–You will lose your hair when you’re old

–There is NO cure

…As a guest on your program, Ms. _____________ can extol expert advice on taking care of hair and preventing hair loss. Her series of unique facts and advice will be sure to make your listeners scratch their heads!

I don’t have listeners. I’m not losing my hair. However, I am scratching my head (once again) over how totally clueless PR firms can be. Since I guest blog at Lip-Sticking (marketing by and for women), some assume I want their spam on everything from plus-size clothing to dating services to hair loss…after all, those are “women’s issues” aren’t they? (They also never bother to check out this blog….hair loss??? Seriously?)

Another example of a lazy marketer totally misunderstanding the social Web and “marketing to women.” (Supposedly the firm has been in biz since 1989…guess they’ve not had an original thought since then.)

I wish Tiffany the best of luck in her publicity campaign – and in finding a professional, savvy PR person.

So, regardless of your biz – hair loss or high tech – before you hire a firm to help with emarketing or social media, find out what they do and HOW they do it. If they’re simply slapping outdated interruption marketing into a new form (“We’ll send to thousands”), keep looking. (Also don’t be dazzled by a big-name client list. That Porsche account could have been a 1985 local newspaper ad for his brother-in-law, the dealer.)

I love the Albuquerque library system. It makes me happy simply to walk into one of the many branches, staffed by knowledgeable, helpful people. (I also enjoy walking into the Apple store…hey, we’re gonna have FUN!)

Who’d thunk fusty old book people have anything to teach a marketer?  Well, marketers take heed:

Librarians know they need loyal users, and lots of them.

The staff acknowledges your presence; they’re responsive; they try to help; they’ll occasionally cut you a break, overriding the “rules.” (This is how I know the check-out limit is – ahem – 50. ) Compare this to the last time you visited a big box store or called a “customer service” phone number.

The online system is streamlined and very user-friendly. Once you set up your account, which takes about a minute, the world is yours. You can search on any number of terms and keywords; you can place holds (on books AND DVDs) and they’ll be delivered to your local branch for pick-up. You’ll also get an email telling you the holds are ready for pick-up. The library is my own personal Amazon and Netflix system, rolled into one convenient, free package, accessible at a couple of clicks.

The library buyers know people have a wide variety of tastes and needs. Personally, I really appreciate whomever keeps buying Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Season 8 (Yes, a comic.) I’m equally grateful for whomever buys all those ponderous tomes of military history and sociological research.

…but that Dewey Decimal System continues to baffle me…and I worked in the high school library eons ago…;-)

Related Posts:
What A Veterinarian  Can Teach High-Tech Marketers
Customer Service Tip: Hire Grandmothers
Customer Relationship Management: Control or Comfort

No pop-ups. No blaring audio. No floating “special offer” windows. No Google ads. Minimal marketing speak (did my best to avoid using the word “innovative.”)

Aside from my conviction that simple is almost always better, in every aspect of life – I believe that effective web sites require: a. designing for your audience; b. walking your talk. I’m not selling products in quantity; I’m not in the entertainment business; and I know my target clients are busy. They want to know what I know, how I think…and they want to know quickly, not fill out some long form for “free” advice or try to figure out what a navigation icon means.

Yes, I plan a new design at some point – every site needs to be freshened and improved for usability (yes, made simpler), but for right now – I’m going by what existing, new and potential clients tell me about the site: it works. (And, thanks to Wordpress, I can update all my content whenever I wish.)

What are your customers (NOT your web developer or creative agency) telling you about your emarketing? Does it work?

Read More: Seth Godin, No Wonder They Don’t Trust You “The digital world, even the high end brands, has become a sleazy carnival, complete with hawkers, barkers and a bearded lady. By the time someone actually gets to your site, they’ve been conned, popped up, popped under and upsold so many times they really have no choice but to be skeptical.”

Related Posts:
The Problem With Marketing Creativity
Creative (& Terrible) Web Sites
Web-Way Robbery (Rebates and More!)
“Free!” Web Flim-Flam
Five Signs You Should Fire Your Creative Agency
Four Red Flags When Hiring A Web Developer

I was considering canceling my DirectTV, since between Hulu, online viewing, the local library, Red Box, and Netflix, I could (probably, do I dare cut the boomer baby cord?) do without it. Netflix worked well during the two-week free trial and I could also catch up on lots of old, classic movies. But, not so fast…

Today I looked at my credit card activity. Netflix had billed me (and I still have their email confirming the cancellation as the free trial was ending.)

Well – that make me cranky, but the major reason I’m not re-activating is communications.

I can’t respond to Netflix. The email I sent in reply to the cancellation came back as – you guessed it – undeliverable.

I can’t email Netflix at all. I have to call them. No thanks. I’ve not got the time to sit on hold waiting to fix their mistake.

Then, I was disconcerted to see my account still “exists” online – “all” I have to do to click on re-activate. If I cancel an account, I want it gone, including my address, email and credit card info (which obviously Netflix still has and is abusing.)

Now, none of this is life-threatening. But – geez, it’s 2010 already – electronic, online billing and communications should be simple; the technology certainly exists. We’re not talking complex transactions here. And, you should always, always, always be available to your customers (Compare and contrast this to a question I sent to a restaurant gift card – I got an answer within the hour!)

If you’re going to do ebiz – do ebiz.

P.S. I called DirectTV and got a better deal. Never hurts to ask.

Email is supposed to be old news, outmoded, “nobody uses it anymore”….and yet…this past holiday season there was wave after wave of junk spewed out to people who never asked for it. A sure sign of desperation by companies ranging from Saks Fifth Avenue to Dunkin’ Donuts. (It’s cheap! We need customers! It’s the holiday gluttony season!) Stats from NYT:

4.1 – average number of email messages sent by large online retailers in the week ending on December 18.
3.2 – average number sent in the week leading up to Christmas.

From the NYT article:

Online retailers are reluctant to send e-mail to customers who are not expected to make purchases, for fear that they will unsubscribe from the e-mail lists.

“It’s very costly to acquire subscribers,” said Chad White, the research director at Responsys. “By sending them e-mails at a time when they’re no longer in the market, you’re going to have people unsubscribing, and that means you’re going to have to acquire new subscribers to keep your list size afloat.”

Costly? As in buying unqualified lists of unsuspecting recipients? And, a company should be more than “reluctant” to send out junk. “Acquire new subscribers to keep you list size afloat?” It’s not the size that matters, it’s what you do with it (as several emarketing studies have shown. You get better results from smaller lists, in both emails and direct snail mail.) And – hey – what about focusing on quality, not quantity? What about the real customers? What about establishing a relationship? One cold email blast looks pretty much like any other (and those pretty images are usually deleted by my Gmail spam filters anyway.)

Of course, the critical element in all emailing is permission. If I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t want it. And – sorry, really, well-meaning folks I sat next to at lunch yesterday or met last week at the seminar – but allowing me to unsubscribe (to something I never subscribed to in the first place) doesn’t let the senders off the hook.

(I think I may have finally gotten off the spam lists for Saks Fifth Avenue and Dunkin’ Donuts for my personal gmail account…Oh? And Dunkin? I’m a Krispy Kreme fan…;-)

01/14/10 – and for those of you like Chad who thinks companies wouldn’t do something because it’s idiotic, here’s an ‘09 post Web-Way Robbery (rebates & More!)

Whenever I speak on marketing strategy & tactics,  I always at least touch on social media. Here in Albuquerque, many are still working out how to participate in Web 1.0 or 2.0 “Can’t I just ‘throw up’ a site in Dreamweaver?”… “What’s a ‘blog?’”… “Hey! I can buy lists of blogger emails for my next PR blast!” Groan (Email Blasts = Spam.) So, Fuggadabout Web 4.0 (whatever that is anyway. “Symbiotic?”)  Which brings us to Facebook and Twitter. The Q&A usually goes like this,

Biz Owner: “I was told by the ’social media expert’ that I HAD to be on Facebook (and/or Twitter).”
MS: “Why?”
Biz Owner: “Because it’s a great way to reach my customers.”
MS: “Did you ask your customers?”
Biz Owner: (Cue crickets chirping.)
MS: “Do your customers use Facebook or Twitter?”
Biz Owner: (Crickets take it up a notch with the greatest hits of the 80s. “Come on feel the noize”)

Before we all roll our eyes at the clueless biz owner…you know what? That biz owner may never really need to be on Facebook or Twitter…or even blog. Or, she may need to be, but she simply can’t do it, for whatever reason. Better to not do something in marketing than to do it badly (and the social web can be particularly merciless.  Make a misstep and it’ll reverberate [sometimes quite literally] around the world.)

Social media can be a great way to build relationships (note I didn’t say “do marketing”…;-) but it also isn’t for everyone. The key word here is “social” – which is always difficult. You’ve got to be open. You’ve got give up control of your message (the control was pretty much an illusion anyway).  You’ve got to listen to people with whom you don’t agree. …and, you’ve got to have something interesting to say (and be comfortable saying it.)

P.S. If you “found” that social media expert because he sent you a cold (and clueless) email blast from his aol address…you need to find another social media pro to actually help you. If he doesn’t even understand basic email etiquette, he’s no “expert.”

Related Posts:
Old Dogs, New Tricks and Web Bones
I Don’t Open Email Attachments
What Everyone DOESN’T Know About Email
Is Blogging Dead?
Has Social Media Jumped The Shark?
What Social Media Won’t Do For You

I’m prejudiced (since I love dead-tree publishing in all its forms)…but…as Elissa Altman notes, “it is no surprise that the counter-intuitive is what bubbles to the surface.”

The reason traditional publishers are having problems is that they’re thinking…traditionally. MUST Sell LOTS of ad pages. Large print runs. Mass marketing mediocrity (Is it me…or have “women’s magazines” all started to look alike, with the same articles?) Grudgingly (and badly) participating in the online world. (“Those damned bloggers!”)

And then there’s the new thinking. Focus on niches. Just-in-time printing. Incorporate the Web from the beginning. Two examples:

1. Canal House Cooking. High-style quarterly publication for people who love to cook and appreciate quality (and will pay for it.) Instead of going the traditional publishing route, with all its pitfalls, they’re managing their own destiny – from printing to marketing.

NYT: Along an Old Canal, Artful Neglect Finds A Home
“…by designing and photographing it themselves, then outsourcing the printing to China when every local printer they approached turned them down flat, the women hope to both make the numbers work and preserve the publication’s homespun qualities. They have about 400 subscribers so far…”

Make that 401, as soon as I finish writing this post. (And, you can probably imagine what I’m thinking about those clueless local printers.)

2. Flea Market Style They’re focused (title says it all.) They’re starting with a blog. They’re only printing as ordered (minimum 25 copies.)

Here’s hoping somebody will resurrect Gourmet, with the new thinking. Just let me know where I can send my money.

Read More: Elissa Altman, Taking Back The Cookbook

Related Post: Eating Their Children At Conde Nast