Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

Way back in the dark ages, I took Drivers Ed. Here in NM this meant taking the class when I was 14; getting my full-fledged license when I was 15. Nobody failed the class, yet saying we could drive was a very optimistic overstatement of our ability to (somehow) keep the car on the road. And parking? Yikes. My poor Mom nearly had at least two heart attacks (My Dad wouldn’t even ride with me.) But there we were - all freshly minted “drivers” - on the road with everyone else.

I recalled that experience in talking with a friend last night. He noted that - funny - when he got his MBA, the financial and economic textbooks were the same at both NM State and Harvard. And, both graduation certificates led you to believe the recipient was a “Master.”

So, while I’m all for education, simply having a piece of paper doesn’t mean you can drive…or think…or implement. (And, you’ve got to make a few big, stupid mistakes…and yes, fail…before you truly know how to define success, much less attain it.)

Related Posts:
Leaders? Or Just Pushy People With Pieces of Paper
MBAs - Outdated? (An old post, but more relevant than ever…given all the recent implosions by the “best and brightest” in big biz.)

Tags: education, success business development, entrepreneur sanity check

You’ve already read about eleventy billion tips on how to survive it (including posts here). However, apparently many aren’t reading them.

I’m truly amazed (maybe I’m clinging to some girlish naivete), how many ginormous/small/micro companies (and their employees) still treat their customers like an irritating distraction. So, based on my own experience, here’s a list for those folks who apparently DON’T want to survive.

1. Never, ever, under any circumstances answer your phone. And make sure you have a very long and detailed instructions message before anyone can do anything.

2. Make sure your voice mail box is a dead end. You’re not there? Too bad. They can call back on the main line. After all, you’ve got customers lined out the door, right?

3. Don’t ever check your email. After all, you’re busy trying to survive, right? And, you get all that spam. (Tip for those of you who’d actually like to survive: If you don’t have killer spam filters by now, get caught up…you can cut out about 99.99% of it.)

4. Make sure your web site is as user-unfriendly as possible. (”Download the 9-page rental application. Fill out and fax.”)

4.A. Bonus points if people have to spend time searching the site to find that form…more points if they have to keep digging for a phone number…then see #1 and #2 above.

5. Spend what’s left of your marketing budget on email blizzards. (I got a spam from DQ today for - appropriately - a blizzard. And, Saks still sends me junk. Now, how on earth can I be in the same target demographic for both belly bustin’ fast food and Saks 5th Avenue couture?)

6. Be too busy to answer a customer question. You’ve already got their money, whadda they gonna do?

7. Be very selective to whom you do talk. If they can’t give you business right now, what good are they? (Yes, and “they” could be best friends with the CEO of the company you’ve been chasing for months…or serve on a board with the community poobahs…or write a blog or column about customer service…)

7.A. Under no circumstances return the “little people’s” phone calls or emails.

8. Lie to your customer. Then tell her you never said it. Then claim “it’s not in the contract.” (Be sure and lose the contract when she first sends it to you. Then, never, ever have a copy handy for reference.)

9. Never apologize to anyone for anything. Always, always attack them, preferably in front of witnesses - it’s more fun that way. (You got their money already, whadda they gonna do? It’s not like they’ll tell others about you, right? Wrong. See #7 above.)

10. Always judge a book by the cover. If someone walks into your office, without an appointment, in ratty jeans and asks about your company…snub ‘em. You’re all dressed up in a suit, you’re important, you’re busy…and this guy can’t possibly have any money. (True story from one of my clients. Guy walks in. Had been snubbed by another firm. Two days later a check arrives from the guy for nearly $10K.)

11. Give all the responsibility for a customer experience to one person, preferably someone way down the food chain, who resents their “lowly” position. (Hey, I get it. I’ve been all up and down that chain and it’s hard. But, I’m funny. My parents raised me with this stupid, old-fashioned work ethic. Whatever you do - from a paper route to dish washing - you should do well. And, one of the happiest people I ever met was…a tow truck driver.)

12. Spend all your time kvetching about what you can’t do…how you can’t get any money…how the customers just aren’t spending…(Uh-huh. See #1-11.)

Related Posts:
Wellll, In This Economy
How To Survive The Economy (Quit Obsessing)
Duck and Cover Ain’t A Success Strategy

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, small business marketing, customer service, surviving the recession

…to the product, event or service…

In any type of design or planning, there is - inevitably - BIG discussions about seemingly small details. And, sometimes those details can be deal killers (Oops, forgot to put a hold button on the phone…had that discussion when I was working in NEC product development. The engineering group just could.not.grok why “the Americans” would want a hold button on a two-line phone.).

I’ve sat in meetings where poobahs screamed over one number difference in pantone colors (shades of orange, big fella - - it’s ORANGE.) I’ve worked with clients who obsessed over rather to ship a product in a standard cardboard box…or a custom designed “Wowsa! Big Dogs!” box. I’ve served on boards where we spent more time talking about the monthly dinner menu than we did how to help our members grow their business. Sweated blood over a CEO ego piece re “innovative solutions” that ended up overflowing the trade show trash bins…Lots of time. Mondo frustration. Our target customers or audience couldn’t have cared less - if they ever even noticed.

So, before you suck up any more time, throw down any more money, or drive yourself and everyone around you nuts - ask yourself, what does “it” add? Will it help me provide better service? Attract more business? Sell more? Will my customers/members/clients even care? That little sanity check has saved me from some really big mistakes.

P.S. Remember those cool Gateway spotted cow boxes? Hmmm…

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, product development, productivity, entrepreneur sanity check

They still teach the hoary ol’ “4 Ps” (Product, Pricing, Placement & Promotion)in marketing classes…(it really should be more like 7 or 8, and “promotion” is a lot more than advertising out in the real world.)

TV Week Headline: Bad TV News: GM Owes Ad Firms $167.4 Mil

Wired Headline: Unknown Automaker Could Build The First Electric Sedan

Wonder what could have been done in product development for $167.4 Mil (then add in the millions and millions they spent on lobbying to keep gas guzzlers, fight airbags, etc…and the ginormous bonuses to “talent” to do the same old thing.) Hmmm…

Read More: No Reason GM Can’t Make The Cadillac of Comebacks(Of course, they’d have to commit to building great cars.)

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, product development, General Motors, advertising

Marketing has changed (and continues to change) so dramatically that as a fellow marketer said, “What works today probably won’t work next month.”

That may be overstating the case a bit, but not by much.

Example: I’ve been out on the Web for a while - things keep changing (as do I and my clients) - so I no longer obsess care about:

Technorati rankings. They’re totally whacked. They list one content skimmer link multiple times and then don’t list legitimate ones. And, what’s with listing my own posts repeatedly - when I’ve not even done any cross-linking? Like I said, totally whacked.

Plus, I’m getting an increasing amount of linking (and readership) via Facebook. (However, FB in and of itself is NOT a “social media strategy.”)

The number of comments on my blog. Okay, I cared when I first started - but that was four years ago. Now, I’m happy with the people who subscribe - and who I know read it, even if they don’t always comment. Plus, my site traffic remains healthy, thanks to the blog content, which brings me to…

My Google ranking. I don’t have to care. I’ve got enough content (and add enough frequently enough) that I’ve been at the top of search results for “Mary Schmidt” and “Marketing Troubleshooter” for a long time. And, I get my biz from people who have met me live and in person…know me…have worked with me, so I’m not all that excited about cold web site traffic (For the kind of things I do, it’s quality not quantity.)

This does not mean, however, you should never care about (or look at) your site traffic. Analytics give you valuable data on what needs to be improved, changed or deleted. (Especially - duh - if you’ve got an e-commerce site - you need conversions.)

My brochure. I don’t even have one. In today’s virtual world - it’s not needed. And, when I do need on occasion need hard copy for a client proposal, I can do a custom piece and use my great pro-quality color printer.

“Getting PR” By this I mean the old-style “send out a press release to everyone” PR and hopin’ for the headlines. These days it’s all about PERSONAL relations not PUBLIC relations. Sure, it’s nice to be “in the paper” and whenever I’m in it, I usually get some business. (I’ve been on the front page of NM Biz Weekly more than once…had some great biz profiles/interviews published…and I’m still working for a living…;-)

If you’ve got high visibility on the Web, it’ll translate into media exposure. I can get more exposure (and potential biz) with just one link via FB…so I don’t obsess about PR.

This doesn’t mean, of course, you should ignore PR…but it’s changed and continues to change. The line between offline and online marketing tactics have become very blurred - so you need an integrated plan now more than ever.

P.S. What works for me and my “sole proprietor, ‘brain for hire’ ‘I care more about quality of life than quantity of money’ marketing almost assuredly won’t fit your biz model. One size doesn’t fit all, regardless of what some marketing flim-flammers pitch.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, emarketing, PR, entrepreneur sanity check, Google rankings, Technorati, Facebook”

I’d say yes. And, maybe the era of the mega-corporations is over. (Discuss amongst yourselves…will it even be possible for the machines another GM to rise? In today’s flattened world, is it even desirable? Does the upcoming/evolving creative class want or need a old-time corporate structure? I know what I think…)

But…let’s get back to what I intended to be a short post on over-expansion. Starbucks is currently spending millions on new advertising, and doing their best to leverage/plug into social media (They’ve got a lot of Facebook fans, but does that translate into sales? I can’t buy coffee virtually.)

I’d not-so-humbly submit that their core problem remains over-expansion. And, as part of that expansion, they had “dumbed down” their brand….trying to attract all kinds of new customers…making it “easier” for the baristas to make a cup…selling music…(they’ve since gone back to in-store bean grinding, a good thing.)

From the article: “..The full-page newspaper ads go to some length to describe how Starbucks selects only the best 3 percent of beans and roasts them until they pop twice, and gives its part-time workers health insurance.

Starbucks chose the copy-filled ads, which were popular in the 1960s and 1970s, because it wanted to put its full story out, Mr. Davenport said. ‘Even if you cruise by and don’t stop to read every word, the net impression is, ‘Wow, Starbucks has a lot to say about coffee.’ That might not be the right strategy for young people, said Richard Honack, a professor of marketing at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern. Unlike Starbucks’ older customers, “Generation Y goes to Starbucks for the Internet, the music, a place to hang out,” he said. “Selling them the coffee and where the coffee comes from? I just don’t know if that’s a good idea.’”

I’m not Gen Y. I love to read. I love coffee. I skip right over those full-page ads (yawn…I already know Starbucks) and I make my own coffee.

I give Starbucks credit for trying…wonder if all those tweets that are supposedly happening will translate into dollars? Interesting to watch, in any event.

Related Posts:
This Is Not Your Mother’s Instant Coffee

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, customer service, Starbucks, Starbucks advertising, branding

Normally, I delete, unopened, any email with a subject line like, “hello!” but I’m expecting an email from a new referred client so….

Turned out it’s a very poorly translated (and spelled) email pitching “electornic products” - giving me the link to the website where “the price is a surprising happiness to you!”

Here’s the thing - price is almost never happy-making. It’s a given, a requirement, something to be paid in exchange for something we want (and we’ll pay more for wants than needs any day.) Further, “surprising” people with a price is a bad idea…if it’s too low, they wonder what’s wrong. Too high, and they feel baited and switched.

Now, back to deleting, unopened, the next batch of cold PR emails pitching Dad’s day ideas…Happy Tuesday!

P.S. People love great deals…and that’s different from a great price. Think about it.

Tags: pricing, marketing troubleshooting, entrepreneur sanity check

Let’s all stop starting sentences with this (usually accompanied by a sigh).

Also on my “Do Not Say” list:

“Maybe when the economy picks up…” Like when will that be? Can you afford to wait?

“I can’t do anything about…” Sure, there are many things I can’t directly and immediately affect…from global warming to the big bank “rescues”…but I can do something about my attitude, my business development and my local economy.

“He/She/They will never (agree/say yes/do it)” I’ll never know unless I ask. (Duh!) Sometimes all people need is to be asked. Note: I said “ask” not “blurt cold outta da blue.” More from Seth Godin on how/when to ask.

“When will the government do something about (health care/the economy/the environment/the highway potholes)? On one hand, people complain about government interference and those darned taxes…on the other, we expect “the government” to take care of everything (we just don’t want to have to actually do anything…like vote or pay taxes…)

Tags: perspective, entrepreneur sanity check

As a would-be entrepreneur said when I was reviewing one possible pricing scenario…

At one end of the spectrum, we’ve got the wild sales guys (who are compensated on revenue) saying, “We’ll make it up in volume!”

At the opposite end, we’ve got the business owner/product manager who has built a model showing a profit on each individual sale.

Then, there are the actual customers wandering around out there somewhere in the middle. What do we care about pricing models? Wonder what we want? What we’ll pay for? And, who will we talk to about the product (and service)?

Sure, business is about making money - but somebody has to buy something first. And “to make it up in volume” you need a LOT of somebodies. (So, there had better be some talkin’ going on.)

If your pricing is a thing of beauty, with double digit profit margins on each sale…but you’re not selling anything…well, 100% of nothing is nuthin’.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, pricing, entrepreneur sanity check

As my friend and attorney, Jill, said with a wry grin. And, it is funny. But, here’s the thing - all too often that’s exactly what we do, when faced with a problem…we do nothing. (Maybe, if we ignore it, it’ll go away.)

By now - unless you’ve been living in a cave in Tibet - you know that we will never get “back to normal.” And, yet, many seem committed to sitting there, waiting for normal to somehow magically happen again.

So, DO SOMETHING. It doesn’t have to be big, but it should be different.

From Seth Godin - 45 change ideas. #45? Do The Work. (I also like #28 - Have all meetings in a room with no chairs, and everyone wears a bathrobe over their clothes. Great way to get people to stop pontificating and out of their comfort zone.)

Personally, my new mantra is “Don’t go there.” (negative, sad, scared, defensive.) Doesn’t mean I’m hugging everyone I see, leading group sings of Kumbaya or putting daisies in gun barrels (that’s likely to get your head blown off…;-) But, if you can’t affect anything else - you can control your own ‘tude. And, that’s where any change truly begins.

Tags: perspective, marketing troubleshooting, survival, entrepreneur sanity check