Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

The other day I was meeting with a client about their web site. They had found out the happy news that their Flash elements could (maybe) be searched! Sooo, I had to climb on my soapbox gently remind them that Flash - while it’s “cool” - may not be the best idea.

Then I read this from a web developer news site: Adobe, Google and Yahoo Join Forces To Make Flash More Searchable
“Previously, search engines had a hard time peering inside Flash files to accurately read and catalog the content within. This created a barrier for Flash adoption among content producers, many of whom were nervous that search engines wouldn’t be able to see much of what they put inside a Flash movie. Adobe especially is hoping this new agreement will erase that barrier.”

(I can practically hear all the “creative” agencies jumping up and down - “See, See, Flash/Splash is great! Now there’s NO reason not to do that whiz-bang entry page with no text!” Aaargh and yaarggh.)

So? Does this make Flash any less time-consuming (wasting) or annoying for the human being looking for you online? I mean, c’mon. And, who among us doesn’t know how to find that teen-tiny dim little “skip this ad” in the upper-right corner of the NYT pages after the first time? I don’t even notice who is advertising now - I’m so quick to click on skip.

P.S. People don’t care about your carefully crafted keywords and Google Adwords strategies. They want to know what you’re going to do for them…and make it snappy!

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, emarketing, keywords, SEO, web development, Flash

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I’m a woman. I buy things. I write about marketing to women. I advise clients on marketing to women.

But, one thing has always bugged me. People, including many marketers, talk about marketing to women as if we’re one big group of pink ‘n white sameness. Then they wonder why their programs don’t work.

Try this: say “Marketing to men is a great opportunity!” out loud. Doesn’t that sound silly? If you think like many do about women, that would mean:

All women love to shop = All men love to hunt

All women buy shoes = all men buy guns

All women love the color pink = All men love the color blue (of course, they’d NEVER say “love” and a significant percentage of them are color-blind anyway)

All women cook = All men work on cars (This would be a big surprise to my last three boyfriends and my Dad. I can at least identify the oil filter…)

All women are heterosexual = All men are heterosexual

All women want to get married = All men don’t (In reality, men really like to be married; in fact, they pair up and remarry more often and faster after a relationship ends.)

The way to get any woman to buy is show them a picture of a baby = The way to get any man to buy is show them a picture of Pamela Anderson.

So, if they’re all alike, you’d pitch the same product in the same way to George Bush as you would to George Clooney. You’d send the same press release to both Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly. You’d send out an email blast that would include both Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken. You’d send the same political contribution solicitation letter to both Sean Hannity and James Carville (well, at least Clooney and Carville would understand the multi-syllable words…)

Doesn’t “Marketing to Women” sound silly now?

One thing that IS true about ALL women (at least those of us with an IQ higher than warm guacamole): We HATE being treated as if we’re all the same.

Related Posts:
Pssst. Want Me To Buy Something?
Marketing Stereotypes: Old Ladies and Libraries
The “I Hate Pink” List
My guest posts at Lip-Sticking:
Marketing To Women: Fallacies & Follies
Will Women Buy Sex

The above image is Mel Gibson from an old movie, What Women Want. While I’m not totally thrilled with some of the women characters (it’s Hollywood after all), it is very funny and there’s a lot of truth in how they portray women thinking. And watching Mel hop around a bathroom putting on pantyhose is a laugh-out-loud moment.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, marketing to women

It grows - even thrives - where you didn’t plant it, don’t want it, don’t water it. And, it’s almost impossible to kill, if you don’t want to poison the environment.

It dies where you plant it, want it, fertilize it, baby it.

And so it goes - if a marketer starts talking about a systematic, “Word-of-Mouth” plan, complete with “targeted ads,” “social media messages” and “paid blog posts” - look for another marketer.

The key is having something worth talking about - you really have no control over those mouths doing the talking. They go where and say what they will. (That quality control problem you have in manufacturing? Guess what your customers are talking about? It most certainly isn’t your new “cool” ad.)

(And now back to working on that #%^&* patch of grass in my side yard…)

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Putting the “Social” In Social Media
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Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, WOM marketing, social media, Word-of-Mouth

1. You ask them for a new web design for your ecommerce site - and they show up with flash/splash, and then argue with you that this is the best way to go. This old quote from Jared Spool of User Interface Engineering at Macromedia pretty much sums it up.

“When we have clients who are thinking about Flash splash pages, we tell them to go to their local supermarket and bring a mime with them. Have the mime stand in front of the supermarket, and, as each customer tries to enter, do a little show that lasts two minutes, welcoming them to the supermarket and trying to explain the bread is on aisle six and milk is on sale today.”

2. You ask for something like making the buy button bigger so people can actually see it - and they resist, going into a long dissertation about “integrity of design.” (I’m all for great and beautiful design, but you want people to buy from you, not appreciate your agency’s creativity.)

3. You ask about help with branding - and they go into full-press pitch mode about new logos and/or “image” advertising.

4. They win awards with your ads - and you don’t see any change in your business.

5. They tell you “social media” and blogs are fads and not to bother. Then they pitch you spending big bucks on late night cable spots. (Note: Agencies make money on media buys.)

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Advertising: Creative or Effective?
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Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, advertising, web marketing, web design, ad agencies

Ban everyone involved from saying any of the following phrases:

I don’t think…(So? That’s why we’re looking at the “new” stuff. Stop thinking, start looking and listening. Otherwise, you’ll filter the info through your world view. Just look at how the right and left wing pundits interpret the exact same candidate speeches and actions.)

I don’t believe… (Beliefs are stronger than reality. But, step back, take a deep breath and remember your personal views don’t apply. This is “new” remember?)

I haven’t seen…(Of course not. You’ve not looked at this before.)

My husband/wife/mother/father/sister/brother/son/daughter does/doesn’t… (Nice anecdotal point. But, do you have - say - five million family members? Just because your loved ones do/don’t do something, or like/love/hate whatever doesn’t mean the market will.)

If you’re looking for new customers outside your traditional market - then you really don’t know what you don’t know. And, “I” ain’t the “target.”

P.S. Demographics can be very misleading Take “Soccer Moms” for example. There are many, many different types of “Moms.” And even those mothers who do drive the kids to soccer…they drive all kinds of vehicles and have all kinds of beliefs and views. (Check out the book The Soccer Mom Myth)

Related Posts:
The All-Knowing, All-Seeing “I”
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Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, target demographics, target marketing

Rule Numero Uno: Respect the customer. If only one customer has a problem, you have a problem. Seriously. Yet, PayPal seems to have some mystical, magical number before they consider a problem a problem.

One of my Ask Mary subscribers sent me an email a couple of weeks ago - seems she didn’t see the monthly subscription payment on her account. So, I contact PayPal, thinking it’s probably some minor glitch. After several emails back and forth, PayPal tells me the subscription hasn’t been canceled and “thanks for sharing your concern.” When I respond, asking yet again why then the payment hasn’t been processed, I get an email telling me to call them, from “Nicole”

I understand that this is frustrating, so let’s eliminate the frustrating part by calling us at 1-888-221-1161. This will be less frustrating, you will be able to talk to an actual person, and you won’t have to wait for a response. Your issue will be resolved a lot quicker if you call.

Wow, I’m thinking, a real person! Somebody that gets service! Um, not so fast there, oh naive blond one.

When I call - there I am in phone system hell. After punching in numbers and responding to prompts, I get a guy who can’t grasp I’m a merchant with a problem that has already been reported multiple times. So, I ask to be escalated. I then speak to a supervisor, who tells me there is no problem with the code, that I’m the only one with this problem and “it won’t be taken seriously” if he submits a trouble report. “Maybe if five people called us, but you’re the only one.”

Finally, he says he’ll contact the subscriber since “it could be a problem with that account.” (Begs the question, why didn’t they check that when I first reported a problem?) He asks me for the subscriber info, which he can see by accessing my account (which I know he’s done because he’s quoted some of the info from it to me.) So, I pull up my account and read it to him. When asked when I’ll hear from him again - no commitment. I ask to be escalated, and - nope, can’t do that. He’s a “supervisor.” And, no, I can’t call him back directly. Sorry. Wonder if Scott Thompson, the relatively new CEO of Paypal, ever sits in on customer calls? Hello? Scott? It may not be fun but it sure could be educational! Everything you do is marketing - and that includes customer service call centers.

(Just so you don’t think I’m a hopeless crank - I also recently had a great positive service experience with a local company that I’ll be writing about tomorrow. If a small “low-tech” company can get service right, why can’t the high-techies, with all those marvelous systems? Hmmmm.…)

Update, 6/17/08: My client never heard from PayPal. And I got no response to my email sent to PayPal’s PR contact. Soooo….I’m looking into alternatives, will let you know my recommendations.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, customer service, Paypal, Scott Thompson

Well, of course not! But in the virtual world, some marketers think it’s perfectly fine to barge into your private space, uninvited, blaring their pitch.

Example: Ads on Facebook. Now, I’m most definitely not their target demographic for most ads. (I also ignore all of ‘em. I’m not on Facebook to read ads.) However, based on what I’ve seen, their “target demographic” is “people who love all kinds of ads, have nothing better to do, and who will buy anything.” How many people do you know that fit into that category?

Now, look at your own marketing. Are you trying to barge into people’s lives, unasked? Keep this in mind, as you think about all that new-fangled social media stuff. (Which isn’t really so new-fangled. It’s people talking to people.)

Read More: Facebook Ads Prove The “Targeting” Demographic is Silly. by Robert Gorell, at GrokDotCom.

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“Marketing” is broken and I’m thrilled!

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, social media, Facebook

Sign seen on various street corners around town:

CEO Pay Working At Home

Don’t Believe, Don’t Call
800-xxx-xxxx.

Now, I KNOW that this is some new riff on the old “stuff envelopes at home” or a network marketing scheme…but that last line…hmmmm…really tweaked my curiosity.

In any marketing pitch, you’ve only got a couple of seconds to grab someone’s eye (or ear) - in any type of media. You can’t tell people everything, but you can make them curious to know more.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, advertising,

One reason there are so many bad web sites is that people think of their sites as something they simply “take live” - separate from planning and the “real” business. Some flashing lights, lots of cool technical stuff, and voila! IT’s ALIVE!…then it goes lumbering off into the woods…whu-oh!

I recently got a call for a woman who had been referred to me by a client. Since I get most of my business from referrals, I was happy to chat for a few minutes. Unfortunately, I won’t be working with the woman. She simply couldn’t grok that we needed to have a discussion re strategy and goals before we leaped into building her site…and that there was a lot that had to be done before we even start talking to web techies about the building.

…and so it goes. I’m sure she’ll find someone to get a web site up and runninglumbering…and then she’ll wonder why it’s not doing what she expected.

Tags: entrepreneur success, web design, emarketing, marketing troubleshooting

In today’s twittering, facebooked, totally connected world - EVERYBODY is a mystery shopper…and in all industries. Your customers can (and will) tell thousands of people about you with a few clicks of the keyboard…

The only “mystery” to me is why so many companies still cling to their illusions that they control the message. Sure, you can say anything in your ads - but what are you (and your employees) actually doing? Ah, the mystery shopper knows! (And tells, and tells, and tells…)

P.S. “Satisfied” customers won’t say much about you, if they even remember you…

Tags: customer service, marketing troubleshooting