Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But, doesn’t it seem like anger is a goal of some companies? (And their IVR systems are specifically designed to make our heads explode…;-)

Earlier this week I got what looked like a mass mailing from AAA. Normally this stuff goes right into recycling, but for whatever reason, I opened this one…to see big red letters! THIRD REQUEST. RESPOND IMMEDIATELY! AAA simply HAD TO HAD HAVE the questionnaire back from me re odometer reading and drivers or they’d cancel my auto insurance. Of course, they’ve had my money since April (and no claims.)

So, I call and ask why they were threatening me. The nice woman tried to walk it back when I noted that GEICO (20+ years as a customer) never asked for such things (or threatened to cancel my insurance.) “We might be able to lower your rate with a current odometer reading, since we use mileage as one of our calculations.” Uh-huh. GEICO also uses mileage.

Hmmm…the company might be able to help me…so they begin by threatening me. Way to engage with your customer! Drive ‘em to your competitor.

Now, normally I’d probably have rolled my eyes, filled out the form and moved on. But, AAA picked the wrongggggg day to dance on my last quivering nerve. Long story short, I went back to GEICO that very day (and saved a big chunk of change.)

Then, when I called AAA to cancel I was told I’d have to fill out a hard copy form and fax or mail back (Uh, now I’ve got to dig up a stamp too. Wonder if I have any left from Xmas?) “Can’t I do it online?” “Can I scan it in and email it? “No. And, we don’t accept outside emails.” And, whoever wrote the call center scripts needs some help. The AAA rep didn’t even ask why I was canceling. (There should be a big red flashing sign in the service center whenever someone calls to cancel. OPPORTUNITY!)

Funny. I can pay online, lickety-split. Luckily, there’s an AAA office not far from home. The agent even filled out the form for me. I was a former customer in about three minutes.

I still like AAA’s road/travel service but with this snafu, I’m looking for other options to that as well.

P.S. GEICO sent me an email offering to cancel the previous insurance for me. Hmmm…

Related Posts:
Why I left GEICO in the first place – Losing A Loyal Customer for $104
What About Vendor Loyalty?
Creating Customer Loyalty for Only 44 Cents
I’ll Bring You More Olives!
If You Fire (Dis) A Customer
The Root Cause of Big Finance’s Melt-Down

A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5×11 inch paper cannot be understood.
– Mark Ardis

However, it takes a lot of hard work and thinking to get to that one page (I say the same thing about market development strategy and “strategic plans.”) As Mark Twain once noted, it’s much harder to write short than long. Flaws in thinking (or plot lines) can be hidden in long missives. (Please, someone get Stephen King a real editor again. He’s become a victim of his own success. They publish every. single. word.)

It’s so much easier to produce a ton of paper for that software spec, marketing strategy or biz plan. All too often the goal seems to be, “It doesn’t have to be good. It has to be BIG!”

…and you can buy Mr. Ardis’s 320 page Diffusing Software Product and Process Innovations (IFIP Advances in Information and Communication Technology) for only $319.00 at Amazon. (Ardis is actually the editor, along with Barbara Marcolin). See above about the thinking.

Related Post:
Assume Your Readers Don’t Like To Read

NYT: The Sofa Wars “It is a fantasy shared by many Americans: dropping cable television and its fat monthly bills and turning instead to the wide-open frontier of Internet video.”

As you may remember, a couple of weeks ago, I canceled my DirectTV service. Then last week, the connector in the back of the TV fell into the machine when I was swapping out the VCR cord for the DVD connection. Oh well, no big deal. I’ll get around to fixing the TV one of these days…but no rush.

I’ve become one of the 15% or so of the population that now relies on online viewing (or none at all.) The other 85% are still hooked on Pay TV. They just can’t quit it. (Or their families won’t let them.)

“Spending $130 a month for a lineup, just to see ‘Dexter.’”

I did the math – and realized the sole reason I’d not cut the cord was Mad Men. It’s been two Sundays now and I’m just fine. Really. Hardly notice. Honest. No, no, really…;-).

Could DirectTV have kept me as a customer? Probably not since my cancellation was part of a larger “simplify my life” effort. Could they (and the cable companies) hang onto most of their share of the truly hooked 85%? Sure, if they did the following:

1. Treat customer service as an opportunity, not an issue to be avoided. Yes, this tune has been played ad nauseum on the Internets…but the companies don’t seem to be listening. They’re still focused on NEW customers, not keeping the old ones. We’re treated like transactions not relationships.

2. Stop with the “free” c’mons that we don’t believe anyway. We know that fine print is hiding all kinds of fees that’ll kick in sooner rather than later. (See #1 about “new” and “old.”)

3. Allow us to buy what we want versus the whole package. Yes, I know – “the technology won’t let us”…blah-blah, blah-blah. I’m not buying that (literally and figuratively). If the stodgy old gas company can meter my usage remotely and there are movies on demand…uh, hello?

I could actually end up spending MORE if I could choose exactly what I wanted, and I’d be happy about doing it. (A la carte is almost always more expensive, isn’t it?)

Selling a product the way the customer wants it…then treating that customer with respect. What radical concepts!

NYT: E-Book Wars: The Specialist vs. the Multitasker “The Kindle from Amazon.com is designed to let us do one thing very well: read. To survive, it must excel at this, not only by jostling to stay a nose ahead of other e-readers, but also by maintaining an enormous lead over the Apple iPad and its coming competitors. The multipurpose iPad can do thousands of things very well; used for reading book-length texts, it doesn’t excel, but it’s passable.”

A friend was recently trying to decide between an iPad and a Kindle. She felt the iPad was beyond her budget. And, she’s right. If all she wants is an “e-reader” – why spend the bucks? But she was in a quandary, since the iPad is – well – the “hot” product.

She’s in good company – even high-techers who should know better get all confused. A lot of tech marketers are thrashing around, trying to find/define a target – tablets, laptops, PDAs, e-readers…whatever Apple offers we’ll offer! Me TWO! US TOO! (later, cheaper, not as good…okay, I’m prejudiced but neither Dell’s nor Microsoft’s history give me confidence they’ll bring out anything terrific.)

The iPad is a cool tool – for both fun and biz. It comes in handy for one-on-one sales presentations (and thanks to the inherent functionality, your stuff will look cooler on the iPad, especially if you use Keynote.) One VC observes it seems to be the board room choice du jour (if you don’t want to take lots of notes.) I like its extreme mobility – tuck into my portfolio, zip and go, no special case or lugging required. The keyboard is functional enough for short, don’t lose the thought meeting notes, which I can then email with a click of a button.

I can also use it to read books, including classics (free) from Austen and Poe. (I’ve also downloaded the Constitution and Bill of Rights – and re-read both documents, something I highly recommend to t-par-tees everywhere…;-) However, to read anything in copyright – I still have to buy the books. I’d rather use my local library, for free, with online reservations. The “e-reader” function is a “nice to have” for me, not the reasons I love the iPad.

So, here’s the thing – before companies started the whole “me TWO!” reaction to Apple, they should have looked at the actual customer a bit more closely. How are people actually using the iPad (or Kindle?) Some may have both. I’d also buy the Kindle if I still had an insane travel schedule – due to Kindle’s longer battery life and lighter weight. (When you’re schlepping luggage for [literally] miles of airport corridors, every ounce counts.)

In my not-so-humble opinion, comparing the iPad market share to that of Kindle is like comparing apples to oranges (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

“We were second and almost as good!” isn’t likely to win much (sustainable) biz. You don’t always have to be first, but you should be different (and different enough.)

Last but certainly not least – how long can a market be sustained for a “single use” product? (Word processors? Fax machines? Electronic calculators? Postage meters?) Discuss amongst yourselves.
Read More:
Microsoft’s Me TOO (Two) Strategy
Dell’s Exciting New Streak! (Yawn)
My guest post at Lip-sticking: I’m in Lust with My iPad.

As Maureen Dowd asks in Our Mosque Madness, “What is so frightening about Fox News?”

Target marketing is always tricky. If you do it right, you’re going to cut yourself off from a certain percentage of the market…but they wouldn’t buy from you anyway. (Investors, CEOs, and lazy marketers often have trouble with this concept).

I’m going to dance up to the verboten border between commenting on biz and politics today. The ongoing hysteria, misinformation and political maneuvering re the “Ground Zero” mosque is just too good of an example of what can happen when you start chasing the wrong customer (or wrong voters in this case.)

Both Governor Christie and Mayor Bloomberg have bravely (?! Isn’t it sad I say, “bravely”?) stood up for religious freedom and common sense. And, President Obama started that way…then waffled.

Here’s the thing – no matter what Obama does, the GOP is going to attack him. Tea parties will always hate him. And, anyone who actually takes Fox News seriously is NEVER going to to vote for him…or any supposedly “dangerously liberal” candidates. Obama never did very well, even at the height of his popularity, with “old white males” (the majority of Fox viewers are over 60, white and male.) So, why chase ‘em?

Related Posts:
Sell To the People Who Want It
Stop With The Polls Already!
McCain’s Brand Disconnect
Our Target: The Stupid People

Or, more specifically – your mission? In biz and in life. Forget the ponderous corporate speak stuff (”Leading-edge provider of premium solutions to…”) What gets you excited? What will your customer remember? What can you live?

As my (real life, 3-D and Face Book) friend, Scott Westerman noted in his Monday Motivator this week: “I was recently assigned the task of reading the mission statements of a group of business units. I did. I can’t remember a word. Each one filled at least a page, many took two pages. None of them made an impression.”

Yep. Been there, done that. Carefully, oh-so-carefully crafting something that won’t offend anyone but yet soothe the CEO’s ego. (“PUT INNOVATIVE IN THERE!”)

So, what is your mission (and mission statement?)

Here’s mine (for biz and life): Make a difference and have fun doing it.

Thanks to Scott for reminding me.

Related Posts:
But What Do You Do?
The Magical, Mystical Mission Statement!
Marketing Without Blinders

There’s now a “dislike” button, what about a “no respect” button….;-)

I like FB – it’s fun and has enabled me to reconnect with several long-lost friends…but people abuse and misuse it.

1. Cognitive Dissonance. In one status, someone is yattering about their cat; in the next about their business and why you – yes YOU – shouldn’t miss this sterling opportunity to buy their expert/premier/million-dollar makin’ service or product! Yes, now! Limited Time Offer! Never to be repeated! (at least, not until the next posting…five minutes from now…and the email that lands in your email box tomorrow.) Cutsey-wootsey to high-dollar big-timus biz? Huh?

Nothing wrong with talking about your cat (I do it on occasion on my FB page) and nothing wrong with promoting a business. But, the queasy combo of pseudo intimacy and hard-shoving hard sales is just. wrong. Zero credibility about the biz and you even start wondering if the person (whom you’ve never actually met) has a cat…

I’ve “unfriended” several because ALL they want to do with FB is push, push, PUSH their biz at me. I can also tell when a PR type has picked up a new client – he or she starts relentlessly linking to/liking/posting about the person or firm. I skip right past those.

2. “Liking” is (ultimately) meaningless. Certainly, I like a number of things and people, but that doesn’t automatically mean I really deep-down, throw myself under a bus for ‘em care about any of them (or will spend $ with them.) The notifications that people who “like” Obama also “like” Lady Gaga illustrates the sheer goofiness of FB. (Yes, I like FB. but I wouldn’t pay for it and I can live just fine without it…and I totally don’t get the whole Gaga thing. Totally boring.)

3. No Filters, No Limits. Aside from half-hearted puritanical efforts to limit porn and censor “controversial” posts, FB is a free-for-all for everyone who can type (or can’t, in many cases.) Cheapens the whole thing, including well-meaning businesses and legitimate causes.

So, if you’re a biz – maybe you “have” to be on Facebook…and maybe you don’t. Discuss.

Related Posts:
What Social Media Won’t Do For You.
So, You’re Doing Social Media. Are Your Customers?
Has Social Media Jumped the Shark?

Read More: (From Wired) Social Media Doesn’t Have to Suck

That’s obviously different than “in the dark.” (And don’t we often feel like we spend way too much time working our way through the murk with vendors?)

The other hot, sunny day I walked past the Apple store. People were standing in line to get in (yes, Standing.In.Line – to spend money, in this godawful, woe is us, we’re all doomed economy.) What really rocked my world is there was also store staff standing by the line, holding great big umbrellas and doing their best to keep the customers in the shade. Wow!

Compare that to – oh, let’s say – The Radio Shack, Best Buy, or virtually any other retail operation. Apple understands retail sales is all about the total experience, not just the store full of products.

Nice positive moment, having just come from a restaurant where the clueless hostess bluntly informed us there would be a “20 to 25 minute” wait (take it or leave it, no skin off her young nose)…when we’re standing there looking at empty tables. Uh-huh.

P. S. I don’t think we’re all doomed, but we do need to change from an economy based on mindless mass consumerism.

As a homeowner who does a wee bit of DIY – I’m a fan of Holmes on Homes…when I can bear to watch. It’s an hour of a professional contractor fixing the godawful, so-called “work” of other contractors. Everything from plumbing pipes running on the outside of the wall to nails driven through substandard wiring.

And, frequently, the home owners have already paid the shoddy contractors huge amounts of money…and/or are facing a lien or lawsuit. After all, “We did the work!”

Well yes, indeedy. They did the work. And, yes, the homeowners have walls/heat/electric light/running water. Never mind that the walls are dangerously leaning, the heating fan is installed backwards, the electrical wiring is a fire waiting to happen, or the waste water keeps on running into a big pool around the foundation.

In addition to being grateful I’ve not had to deal with such nightmares, I find myself getting embarrassed for the contractors. It’s even more embarrassing that they don’t seem embarrassed…in fact, don’t apparently see anything wrong. Hey, we did the work! Pay us! (This embarrassment hang-up is also why I can no longer watch I Love Lucy, as fondly as I remember the show from growing up. Painful!…but I digress.)

Unfortunately, this slovenly “I did the work, man” mentality can be found in any industry or job. It’s why so many web site designers, programmers, attorneys, ad agencies (and yes, consultants) get a bad rap. They often deserve it.

So, if you plan to hire any kind of contractor (including a marketer), keep the following in mind:

1. T&M contracts. These shouldn’t be open-ended. Tie time (and deliverables’ quality) to payments.

A friend of mine is still trying to extricate herself from a carpenter’s greedy clutches at her vacation home…since he just keeps going…takes forever to actually finish anything…the place keeps getting messier…and she’s way too nice to flat out fire him. (She also has nothing in writing.)

2. Retainer contracts. This is how I typically work with clients, but I also lay out specifics of what I’ll do and key deliverables. For new clients, I put in a kill clause so they feel comfortable they can fire me at any time, with a bit of notice (never happened, but…)

3. Work product ownership. Any work done for you for pay is yours. Period. If the contract isn’t written that way, find another contractor.

4. (Really) check those references. Certainly, people aren’t going to give you the names of unhappy customers, but make the calls and ask the (right) questions, such as “What happened when there was a problem?” or “How did they notify you of issues?” or “How did they handle bug reports?” The mark of a true pro is what he or she does when there’s a screw up, not when things are running smoothly.

4.5. Google the contractor. Go deeper than the first page. I’ve found pending lawsuits for supposedly reputable consultants.

5. NDAs. Never assume that because the work product ownership is covered, your IP is protected. Get the NDA signed before you start sharing. (There are standard boilerplate forms readily available on the Web, if you need one quickly.)

6. When in doubt, have your (vetted, reputable) attorney review. For that matter, even when you’re not in doubt, even if it’s a “simple” contract – especially if you’ve never worked with the contractor before. Nasty bits can be buried in those there fores and whereas (including the contractor owning your stuff…such as web site domains and code.)

“What could possibly go wrong? They seem like such nice people!” are words that tempt the Gods. That’s why we have contracts. Contracts often won’t prevent problems (or prevent shoddy work) but they can help set parameters that’ll make the other party behave (or at least think twice before they start making threats.)

Recently, I was doing a software review with a client’s development team. We were groking and rolling, covering a lot of ground…fixing a lot of not-so-little things. But, as we were going through the process I realized – there’s sometimes a difference between a techie’s idea of “unbroken” and actually fixed.

Fixed is when the (non-techie) user can truly use the application – easily and intuitively.

Unbroken is when the code works as it was written.

Grok the difference? If not – think of a web site (or application) that has driven you to distraction…but it “worked.” (See? Betcha can think of at least one.)