Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

…and meanwhile as the both the publishing and advertising industries run around screaming and acting in blind panic…

Last night as a friend and I were bemoaning the loss of some good magazines and kvetching the reason we don’t read others…she noted that “I don’t want to pay to read ads that someone else has already paid to place.”

Hmmm….could it all come back to: a. knowing your target market; b. offering quality?

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, publishing, target marketing

I’ve always wondered what the Chinese must think as they make things like truck balls and hats that (literally) look like a pile of crap. “Man, these silly Americans will buy ANYTHING!…Hey, wait a minute, we keep loaning money to these idiots…”

The other day I was browsing the aisles of Talin Market, a locally-owned, wonderfully eclectic supermarket - with foods and items for all over the world. As I was happily pondering the miscellany in the kitchen equipment section…I happened onto the Rachael Ray Garbage Bowl. Yes, I could buy my very own plastic bowl, “branded” by RR. According to the blog post announcing it back in 2007:

“Okay Garbage Bowl fans, happy times are coming. According to HFN, Rachael Ray has teamed up with to tabletop and giftware manufacturer Precidio Inc. to create a line of melamine and acrylic tableware.”

Garbage Bowl fans??? (I can practically hear the snickers from China now…)

Now, I actually like Ms. Ray; I even watch her cooking show on occasion. (For those of you who don’t - she always has a designated garbage bowl on the counter for all those scraps and such. Makes it faster and easier to put a meal together.) But, little did I know that my using a plain ol’ mixing bowl for the potato peelings is insufficient. Nooo…I really should have an OFFICIAL garbage bowl.

Another case of product line extension (and some marketers) run amok. And slapping someone’s name on something doesn’t guarantee success. (Ed McMahon vodka anyone? May he rest in peace.)

(And isn’t it nice they show the bowl with - um - garbage in it so we don’t get confused?)

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, product development, branding, product line extensions

Way back in the dark ages, I took Drivers Ed. Here in NM this meant taking the class when I was 14; getting my full-fledged license when I was 15. Nobody failed the class, yet saying we could drive was a very optimistic overstatement of our ability to (somehow) keep the car on the road. And parking? Yikes. My poor Mom nearly had at least two heart attacks (My Dad wouldn’t even ride with me.) But there we were - all freshly minted “drivers” - on the road with everyone else.

I recalled that experience in talking with a friend last night. He noted that - funny - when he got his MBA, the financial and economic textbooks were the same at both NM State and Harvard. And, both graduation certificates led you to believe the recipient was a “Master.”

So, while I’m all for education, simply having a piece of paper doesn’t mean you can drive…or think…or implement. (And, you’ve got to make a few big, stupid mistakes…and yes, fail…before you truly know how to define success, much less attain it.)

Related Posts:
Leaders? Or Just Pushy People With Pieces of Paper
MBAs - Outdated? (An old post, but more relevant than ever…given all the recent implosions by the “best and brightest” in big biz.)

Tags: education, success business development, entrepreneur sanity check

You’ve already read about eleventy billion tips on how to survive it (including posts here). However, apparently many aren’t reading them.

I’m truly amazed (maybe I’m clinging to some girlish naivete), how many ginormous/small/micro companies (and their employees) still treat their customers like an irritating distraction. So, based on my own experience, here’s a list for those folks who apparently DON’T want to survive.

1. Never, ever, under any circumstances answer your phone. And make sure you have a very long and detailed instructions message before anyone can do anything.

2. Make sure your voice mail box is a dead end. You’re not there? Too bad. They can call back on the main line. After all, you’ve got customers lined out the door, right?

3. Don’t ever check your email. After all, you’re busy trying to survive, right? And, you get all that spam. (Tip for those of you who’d actually like to survive: If you don’t have killer spam filters by now, get caught up…you can cut out about 99.99% of it.)

4. Make sure your web site is as user-unfriendly as possible. (”Download the 9-page rental application. Fill out and fax.”)

4.A. Bonus points if people have to spend time searching the site to find that form…more points if they have to keep digging for a phone number…then see #1 and #2 above.

5. Spend what’s left of your marketing budget on email blizzards. (I got a spam from DQ today for - appropriately - a blizzard. And, Saks still sends me junk. Now, how on earth can I be in the same target demographic for both belly bustin’ fast food and Saks 5th Avenue couture?)

6. Be too busy to answer a customer question. You’ve already got their money, whadda they gonna do?

7. Be very selective to whom you do talk. If they can’t give you business right now, what good are they? (Yes, and “they” could be best friends with the CEO of the company you’ve been chasing for months…or serve on a board with the community poobahs…or write a blog or column about customer service…)

7.A. Under no circumstances return the “little people’s” phone calls or emails.

8. Lie to your customer. Then tell her you never said it. Then claim “it’s not in the contract.” (Be sure and lose the contract when she first sends it to you. Then, never, ever have a copy handy for reference.)

9. Never apologize to anyone for anything. Always, always attack them, preferably in front of witnesses - it’s more fun that way. (You got their money already, whadda they gonna do? It’s not like they’ll tell others about you, right? Wrong. See #7 above.)

10. Always judge a book by the cover. If someone walks into your office, without an appointment, in ratty jeans and asks about your company…snub ‘em. You’re all dressed up in a suit, you’re important, you’re busy…and this guy can’t possibly have any money. (True story from one of my clients. Guy walks in. Had been snubbed by another firm. Two days later a check arrives from the guy for nearly $10K.)

11. Give all the responsibility for a customer experience to one person, preferably someone way down the food chain, who resents their “lowly” position. (Hey, I get it. I’ve been all up and down that chain and it’s hard. But, I’m funny. My parents raised me with this stupid, old-fashioned work ethic. Whatever you do - from a paper route to dish washing - you should do well. And, one of the happiest people I ever met was…a tow truck driver.)

12. Spend all your time kvetching about what you can’t do…how you can’t get any money…how the customers just aren’t spending…(Uh-huh. See #1-11.)

Related Posts:
Wellll, In This Economy
How To Survive The Economy (Quit Obsessing)
Duck and Cover Ain’t A Success Strategy

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, small business marketing, customer service, surviving the recession

Regular readers and FB friends know I’ve become a gardening addict (and have the fingernails to prove it…No, no, let me dig just more scoop of dirt before I’ve got to run to that meeting…of course, those meetings enable me to pay for things like the $29.95 tomato…)

The title of this post is a shameless rip-off of The $64 tomato: How One Man Nearly Lost His Sanity, Spent a Fortune, and Endured an Existential Crisis in the Quest for the Perfect Garden , a book I highly recommend.

Of course, I can make it up in volume. This weekend I expect the cost per tomato to drop to $7.48. Such a bargain! However, I feel I must disclose that the $29.95 tomato as well as the ones I’m harvesting this weekend are - um - cherry tomatoes…I’m planning fried green tomatoes next weekend to beat the caterpillars and other bugs to the first Big Boys.

Of course, the idea of gardening may bore you silly; but it is awfully cheap therapy - even at $64 a tomato. And, you see miracles happening before your eyes - wow, all that from a seed! I dare you - once you start, you’ll likely not be able to stop at just one little pot…;-)

Additional recommendations from my bookshelf:

French Dirt: The Story of A Garden in the South of France - Richard Goodman.
Second Nature: A Gardener’s Education - Michael Pollan
HomeGround: A Gardener’s Miscellany - Allen Lacy
A Countrywoman’s Year (Oh so veddy, veddy English, complete with foreword by H.R.H. The Prince of Wales) - Rosemary Verey

All of these are long in (or out-of) print and most likely can be found at your local library (so you can spend that money on seeds…)

…now I’ve got to check if the field mice have destroyed more of the zucchini…then maybe move some morning glories…oh, wait a minute, I really should move those herbs to a sunnier spot…oops, need to water the…and so it goes…

Tags: Mary Schmidt, gardening

…to the product, event or service…

In any type of design or planning, there is - inevitably - BIG discussions about seemingly small details. And, sometimes those details can be deal killers (Oops, forgot to put a hold button on the phone…had that discussion when I was working in NEC product development. The engineering group just could.not.grok why “the Americans” would want a hold button on a two-line phone.).

I’ve sat in meetings where poobahs screamed over one number difference in pantone colors (shades of orange, big fella - - it’s ORANGE.) I’ve worked with clients who obsessed over rather to ship a product in a standard cardboard box…or a custom designed “Wowsa! Big Dogs!” box. I’ve served on boards where we spent more time talking about the monthly dinner menu than we did how to help our members grow their business. Sweated blood over a CEO ego piece re “innovative solutions” that ended up overflowing the trade show trash bins…Lots of time. Mondo frustration. Our target customers or audience couldn’t have cared less - if they ever even noticed.

So, before you suck up any more time, throw down any more money, or drive yourself and everyone around you nuts - ask yourself, what does “it” add? Will it help me provide better service? Attract more business? Sell more? Will my customers/members/clients even care? That little sanity check has saved me from some really big mistakes.

P.S. Remember those cool Gateway spotted cow boxes? Hmmm…

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, product development, productivity, entrepreneur sanity check

“It’d be great if someone could…”

“Why doesn’t someone…”

“Someone needs to…”

“Someone should…”

“Someone has to…”

Poor ol’ “someone” - he or she is THE one who should/could/is supposed to do everything. Revise the web site. Fix the database. Design and send out a brilliant mail campaign. Do the customer phone survey. Get the media blitz going. Rewrite the software. Clean up the accounting mess. etc. etc. etc. You name it - “someone” is on the hook.

Funny. Someone always seems to be someone else. So, before you share any more great ideas (or whine about not-so-great reality) - stop and think. Should you be the someone?

It’s great to think big, but the devil (and divinity) are in the actual details of doing.

Tags: productivity, responsibility

Granted, I’m a bit of a curmudgeon, even though I write on multiple blogs, own two computers, love YouTube and Hulu, work with technology companies, dance around with my iPod…and spend a lot of time online. I don’t have a cell phone. I don’t tweet. I love, love, love the printed word on paper…and actually subscribe to the daily, dead-tree NYT…and read it.

However - shhhh! - I bet that many (even especially the super-techie, super-connected) share my deep, dark now-not-secret. I don’t pay that much attention to most of my Facebook “friends.” Look, I may love you - but I wouldn’t want to hear from GOD 25 times a day - regardless of what she was doing (”Just made new planet where everyone looks like Brad Pitt.” Well, okay, maybe that one would get two seconds of my interest.)

I did not - to put it mildly - leap for joy when it became possible for people to link their Twitter tweets to their Facebook status updates. And, I’d bet many others didn’t either; in fact, I bet they do the same thing I do - ignore large chunks of stuff, even from people I really know and like. Which isn’t good - I could miss something wonderful, but…even Pulitzer-prize-winning literary giants sometimes write dreck…and I can’t imagine most of their tweets would be all that inspiring or interesting either. (John Cheever tweet: “Just drained another bottle. Threw up in lap. Hate my life.”)

You wouldn’t appreciate your best friend dropping in 25 times a day without knocking would you? (Regardless of what every sit-com ever made shows…) Don’t want your Mom stuffing your mailbox with little bits and pieces of paper all day long? Well, same thought process should apply to social media. Use it both well and wisely - and it can be a great way to develop both personal and business relationships. Or, you can contribute to the noise we all so dislike (and do our best to tune out.)

Now, I’m logging off, tuning out and enjoying the old-fashioned 3-D reality of a New Mexico Friday (with and without friends.)

(P.S. Highly, highly recommend the book, The Stories of John Cheever. Won Pulitzer Prize. Wrote much better than he lived. I often pack for long trips - and re-re-and re-read.)

Tags: Mary Schmidt, social media, Facebook

They still teach the hoary ol’ “4 Ps” (Product, Pricing, Placement & Promotion)in marketing classes…(it really should be more like 7 or 8, and “promotion” is a lot more than advertising out in the real world.)

TV Week Headline: Bad TV News: GM Owes Ad Firms $167.4 Mil

Wired Headline: Unknown Automaker Could Build The First Electric Sedan

Wonder what could have been done in product development for $167.4 Mil (then add in the millions and millions they spent on lobbying to keep gas guzzlers, fight airbags, etc…and the ginormous bonuses to “talent” to do the same old thing.) Hmmm…

Read More: No Reason GM Can’t Make The Cadillac of Comebacks(Of course, they’d have to commit to building great cars.)

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, product development, General Motors, advertising

Nissan is importing its Cube to the U.S. this year. As Ezra Dyer notes in the NYT (Hello Kitty, Your Car is Waiting) “The Cube is more like a Nintendo Wii: accessible, fun, and deeply strange in an authentically Japanese way.”

Hmmm…well, I’ve never understood the Japanese obsession with cutesy-wutesy (When I worked at NEC, I got to see a lot “cute” high tech products in the development stage, complete with lots and lots of pink. Go figure.) But, here’s what I think Nissan is doing right. The Cube is DIFFERENT. It’s not “just another car.” You’re either going to love it…or not.

Now, if GM would bring out a high mileage car that looks like this…

Things would really get interesting.

(My dream car is a 1957 t-bird, not pink…;-)

P.S. If I had the garage space (and dinero) - I might just get a Cube for fun. “Deeply strange” appeals to me.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, product development, Nissan Cube