Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

Those Founding Fathers! What a motley group. We (USA) wouldn’t be here, celebrating Independence if they had decided to let somebody else do it; that they couldn’t fight the establishment; that they had to have meetings to plan meetings; that they needed some team-building coaching so they could reach consensus and write a ten-step plan with metrics.

Somehow they got it together (without computers or air conditioning no less) - even when they didn’t like each other (and, in fact, some of them loathed each other.)

“Democracy is the worst form of government - except for all others.” - Winston Churchill (Technically, we’re a Republic. Discuss.)

Happy July 4th! Wave a sparkler for me.

Last week I was sitting in (and chiming in) on a seminar my colleague Mary Ellen Merrigan was giving about Online Media Rooms. She and I were in the groove…we were smokin’ (or thought we were…)

Then…one of the attendees asked, “But, is this the home page you’re talking about? Where does this go? How does this ‘room’ fit on the site?”

Nice reminder to us (and anyone who is a supposed subject matter expert) that not “everyone knows that.” Even if they have heard it before, they could have forgotten it, particularly if the subject isn’t the center of their universe. (Little things like family and business tend to get in the way of - for instance - retaining web geek details.)

So, slow down. Simplify. Make sure your audience gets it. (And simple isn’t the same as simple-minded or dumbing down.)

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, emarketing, presentations, marketing communications, online media rooms

The other day I was meeting with a client about their web site. They had found out the happy news that their Flash elements could (maybe) be searched! Sooo, I had to climb on my soapbox gently remind them that Flash - while it’s “cool” - may not be the best idea.

Then I read this from a web developer news site: Adobe, Google and Yahoo Join Forces To Make Flash More Searchable
“Previously, search engines had a hard time peering inside Flash files to accurately read and catalog the content within. This created a barrier for Flash adoption among content producers, many of whom were nervous that search engines wouldn’t be able to see much of what they put inside a Flash movie. Adobe especially is hoping this new agreement will erase that barrier.”

(I can practically hear all the “creative” agencies jumping up and down - “See, See, Flash/Splash is great! Now there’s NO reason not to do that whiz-bang entry page with no text!” Aaargh and yaarggh.)

So? Does this make Flash any less time-consuming (wasting) or annoying for the human being looking for you online? I mean, c’mon. And, who among us doesn’t know how to find that teen-tiny dim little “skip this ad” in the upper-right corner of the NYT pages after the first time? I don’t even notice who is advertising now - I’m so quick to click on skip.

P.S. People don’t care about your carefully crafted keywords and Google Adwords strategies. They want to know what you’re going to do for them…and make it snappy!

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, emarketing, keywords, SEO, web development, Flash

Related Posts:
Web Sites: The Dark Screen of Death!
Five Signs You Should Fire Your Creative Agency

Next week is “National Independents Week” (July 1-7). Many cities, including Albuquerque (and Santa Fe, Austin, Boulder), have Independent Business Alliances.

These alliances are to support the locally-owned businesses that make all our communities places we never want to leave. The local Mom & Pop pizza joint; the corner bistro; the specialty manufacturer that treats their employees like family; the natural living/free trade boutique; the organic markets and farmers; the cupcake bakery; the pie maker, up at 3 a.m. every morning to make crust from scratch; the spa; the architects; the designers…the people who live next door and down the street from you. (Think of your favorite places - I bet many of them are locally-owned.)

So, before you drive to Wal-Mart this weekend - think about your locally owned businesses. Sure, buy those diapers in bulk at Big Wally, but consider buying that gift for Grandma at your home town boutique.

Maybe instead of eating lunch at Applebee’s every time, eat once a week at the Mom & Pop sandwich shop (where they have daily freshly-made specials). We’ve got THOUSANDS of great little “joints” here in the quirky burque, (everything from New Mexican to Greek to Thai) and I bet you do too.

If you spend just 10% of your dollars at locally-owned businesses, it’ll make a HUGE difference in your local economy.

To find out more, visit American Independent Business Alliance

(And, if you’re in the Albuquerque area, come to our AIBA Indie Fiesta on Tuesday, July 1, from 6 to 8 p.m. We’re going to have some of that pie made from scratch by a member…and lots more!)

Tags: Independents Week, Albuquerque Independent Business Alliance, Independent Business Alliances

I’m a woman. I buy things. I write about marketing to women. I advise clients on marketing to women.

But, one thing has always bugged me. People, including many marketers, talk about marketing to women as if we’re one big group of pink ‘n white sameness. Then they wonder why their programs don’t work.

Try this: say “Marketing to men is a great opportunity!” out loud. Doesn’t that sound silly? If you think like many do about women, that would mean:

All women love to shop = All men love to hunt

All women buy shoes = all men buy guns

All women love the color pink = All men love the color blue (of course, they’d NEVER say “love” and a significant percentage of them are color-blind anyway)

All women cook = All men work on cars (This would be a big surprise to my last three boyfriends and my Dad. I can at least identify the oil filter…)

All women are heterosexual = All men are heterosexual

All women want to get married = All men don’t (In reality, men really like to be married; in fact, they pair up and remarry more often and faster after a relationship ends.)

The way to get any woman to buy is show them a picture of a baby = The way to get any man to buy is show them a picture of Pamela Anderson.

So, if they’re all alike, you’d pitch the same product in the same way to George Bush as you would to George Clooney. You’d send the same press release to both Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly. You’d send out an email blast that would include both Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken. You’d send the same political contribution solicitation letter to both Sean Hannity and James Carville (well, at least Clooney and Carville would understand the multi-syllable words…)

Doesn’t “Marketing to Women” sound silly now?

One thing that IS true about ALL women (at least those of us with an IQ higher than warm guacamole): We HATE being treated as if we’re all the same.

Related Posts:
Pssst. Want Me To Buy Something?
Marketing Stereotypes: Old Ladies and Libraries
The “I Hate Pink” List
My guest posts at Lip-Sticking:
Marketing To Women: Fallacies & Follies
Will Women Buy Sex

The above image is Mel Gibson from an old movie, What Women Want. While I’m not totally thrilled with some of the women characters (it’s Hollywood after all), it is very funny and there’s a lot of truth in how they portray women thinking. And watching Mel hop around a bathroom putting on pantyhose is a laugh-out-loud moment.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, marketing to women

It grows - even thrives - where you didn’t plant it, don’t want it, don’t water it. And, it’s almost impossible to kill, if you don’t want to poison the environment.

It dies where you plant it, want it, fertilize it, baby it.

And so it goes - if a marketer starts talking about a systematic, “Word-of-Mouth” plan, complete with “targeted ads,” “social media messages” and “paid blog posts” - look for another marketer.

The key is having something worth talking about - you really have no control over those mouths doing the talking. They go where and say what they will. (That quality control problem you have in manufacturing? Guess what your customers are talking about? It most certainly isn’t your new “cool” ad.)

(And now back to working on that #%^&* patch of grass in my side yard…)

Related Posts:
Putting the “Social” In Social Media
Did You Invite Borders Marketing Staff To Your Book Club?

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, WOM marketing, social media, Word-of-Mouth

I do my best to be responsible but all this green stuff is exhausting! Even Wal-Mart is pitchin’ a brand of potato chips as “green!”

So, how - as marketers and consumers - do we separate the green goodness from the green noise? I don’t have the magical answer. However, I submit it all comes down to - ta-da! - good old-fashioned common sense. We simply can’t do everything, save everything, analyze everything to the micro degree (Are paper bags really the best choice? What’s the true bottom line costs of those hybrids? What really happens to all that glass I put in the recyclig bin?) Otherwise, we get so frazzled, we’ll just say to Hell with it.

So, here’s my own personal Greenie list:

1. Consume less. And doesn’t that sound pompous and simple-minded? But, really, I don’t need anything. I can check out books, DVDs, and magazines from the library. If I really feel I have to own a book - I can buy it used from the library. Then, I can donate others back to the system. Round and round it goes. I also have plenty of shoes; the old television works fine (and I can only watch one at a time); the car is paid for and practical; granite countertops aren’t going to make my food any tastier…and so on.

(I also use those gazillion canvas bags I’ve accumulated from years of trade shows for shopping. I’ve got all sizes and capacities. The trick is remembering to take them into the store.)

2. Drive less. Do I really need to run to the store right now? Or, can I plan my shopping route so I can hit all the places in one outing? (Yeah, I know this is hard if you’ve got a family, but it’s worth a shot. And, does everyone in the family really, truly need a car? Hmmmm…) I’m also driving slower (which, if you knew me, is downright miraculous.)

3. Buy used. Sure, some people turn their noses up at flea markets and thrift stores…and then turn around and pay Pottery Barn for a ripoff of something that sells for next to nothing at the Salvation Army. My personal example: My solid wood swivel chair. I paid $12 at the S.A.; a much lower-quality imitation is now “on sale!” at P.B. for $379.00. Anthropologie (which I love to browse, I admit) is nothing more than flea market stuff newly made at jaw-dropping prices (chenille bedspreads, pottery, etc.)

4. Give myself permission to say “to Hell with it” sometimes. It’s impossible to be perfect. So, yep, sometimes that glass jar goes right into the trash, unwashed. (I feel equal amounts of guilt and glee when I do this - my ego, id, and superego all do their little dances.)

As for green marketing, here’s a wacko idea - tell the truth. Don’t slap the green paint and buzzy words around and call it good.

Happy Friday! I’ll be hitting the flea markets tomorrow looking for patio furniture.

Related Post: Earth Day And Why Bother?

Tags: green marketing, green wash, green exhaustion

Let’s say you sell adorable little pink elephants - and you’d like to be at the top of Google search results. So, you hire a “web marketing expert” for SEO (Search Engine Optimization) advice.

STOP!

First, think about how people really will look for you, then what they’ll find when they get there (the best SEO in the world is worthless if your site is broken.)

One of the SEO snake oil practices is telling you they can “guarantee top rankings!” They look for the number of times a particular keyword or phrase was searched for within the last month and the number of search results according to Google. They then tell you that the lower the search results, the better chance the keyword will be successful for you. So, they recommend “puce pachyderms” That’s right, pick words that don’t get used often, and, by golly, your site will do great!

This wacked keyword advice was actually given by a local “web marketing expert” in a recent article. …and people wonder why I’m so grumpy about the word, “expert.”

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, emarketing, keywords, SEO

Ban everyone involved from saying any of the following phrases:

I don’t think…(So? That’s why we’re looking at the “new” stuff. Stop thinking, start looking and listening. Otherwise, you’ll filter the info through your world view. Just look at how the right and left wing pundits interpret the exact same candidate speeches and actions.)

I don’t believe… (Beliefs are stronger than reality. But, step back, take a deep breath and remember your personal views don’t apply. This is “new” remember?)

I haven’t seen…(Of course not. You’ve not looked at this before.)

My husband/wife/mother/father/sister/brother/son/daughter does/doesn’t… (Nice anecdotal point. But, do you have - say - five million family members? Just because your loved ones do/don’t do something, or like/love/hate whatever doesn’t mean the market will.)

If you’re looking for new customers outside your traditional market - then you really don’t know what you don’t know. And, “I” ain’t the “target.”

P.S. Demographics can be very misleading Take “Soccer Moms” for example. There are many, many different types of “Moms.” And even those mothers who do drive the kids to soccer…they drive all kinds of vehicles and have all kinds of beliefs and views. (Check out the book The Soccer Mom Myth)

Related Posts:
The All-Knowing, All-Seeing “I”
Self Love Or Effective Advertising?
Advertising: Your Point of View or Your Customers?

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, target demographics, target marketing

Rule Numero Uno: Respect the customer. If only one customer has a problem, you have a problem. Seriously. Yet, PayPal seems to have some mystical, magical number before they consider a problem a problem.

One of my Ask Mary subscribers sent me an email a couple of weeks ago - seems she didn’t see the monthly subscription payment on her account. So, I contact PayPal, thinking it’s probably some minor glitch. After several emails back and forth, PayPal tells me the subscription hasn’t been canceled and “thanks for sharing your concern.” When I respond, asking yet again why then the payment hasn’t been processed, I get an email telling me to call them, from “Nicole”

I understand that this is frustrating, so let’s eliminate the frustrating part by calling us at 1-888-221-1161. This will be less frustrating, you will be able to talk to an actual person, and you won’t have to wait for a response. Your issue will be resolved a lot quicker if you call.

Wow, I’m thinking, a real person! Somebody that gets service! Um, not so fast there, oh naive blond one.

When I call - there I am in phone system hell. After punching in numbers and responding to prompts, I get a guy who can’t grasp I’m a merchant with a problem that has already been reported multiple times. So, I ask to be escalated. I then speak to a supervisor, who tells me there is no problem with the code, that I’m the only one with this problem and “it won’t be taken seriously” if he submits a trouble report. “Maybe if five people called us, but you’re the only one.”

Finally, he says he’ll contact the subscriber since “it could be a problem with that account.” (Begs the question, why didn’t they check that when I first reported a problem?) He asks me for the subscriber info, which he can see by accessing my account (which I know he’s done because he’s quoted some of the info from it to me.) So, I pull up my account and read it to him. When asked when I’ll hear from him again - no commitment. I ask to be escalated, and - nope, can’t do that. He’s a “supervisor.” And, no, I can’t call him back directly. Sorry. Wonder if Scott Thompson, the relatively new CEO of Paypal, ever sits in on customer calls? Hello? Scott? It may not be fun but it sure could be educational! Everything you do is marketing - and that includes customer service call centers.

(Just so you don’t think I’m a hopeless crank - I also recently had a great positive service experience with a local company that I’ll be writing about tomorrow. If a small “low-tech” company can get service right, why can’t the high-techies, with all those marvelous systems? Hmmmm.…)

Update, 6/17/08: My client never heard from PayPal. And I got no response to my email sent to PayPal’s PR contact. Soooo….I’m looking into alternatives, will let you know my recommendations.

Tags: marketing, marketing troubleshooting, customer service, Paypal, Scott Thompson