Mary Schmidt Marketing Troubleshooter

NYT: The Sofa Wars “It is a fantasy shared by many Americans: dropping cable television and its fat monthly bills and turning instead to the wide-open frontier of Internet video.”

As you may remember, a couple of weeks ago, I canceled my DirectTV service. Then last week, the connector in the back of the TV fell into the machine when I was swapping out the VCR cord for the DVD connection. Oh well, no big deal. I’ll get around to fixing the TV one of these days…but no rush.

I’ve become one of the 15% or so of the population that now relies on online viewing (or none at all.) The other 85% are still hooked on Pay TV. They just can’t quit it. (Or their families won’t let them.)

“Spending $130 a month for a lineup, just to see ‘Dexter.’”

I did the math – and realized the sole reason I’d not cut the cord was Mad Men. It’s been two Sundays now and I’m just fine. Really. Hardly notice. Honest. No, no, really…;-).

Could DirectTV have kept me as a customer? Probably not since my cancellation was part of a larger “simplify my life” effort. Could they (and the cable companies) hang onto most of their share of the truly hooked 85%? Sure, if they did the following:

1. Treat customer service as an opportunity, not an issue to be avoided. Yes, this tune has been played ad nauseum on the Internets…but the companies don’t seem to be listening. They’re still focused on NEW customers, not keeping the old ones. We’re treated like transactions not relationships.

2. Stop with the “free” c’mons that we don’t believe anyway. We know that fine print is hiding all kinds of fees that’ll kick in sooner rather than later. (See #1 about “new” and “old.”)

3. Allow us to buy what we want versus the whole package. Yes, I know – “the technology won’t let us”…blah-blah, blah-blah. I’m not buying that (literally and figuratively). If the stodgy old gas company can meter my usage remotely and there are movies on demand…uh, hello?

I could actually end up spending MORE if I could choose exactly what I wanted, and I’d be happy about doing it. (A la carte is almost always more expensive, isn’t it?)

Selling a product the way the customer wants it…then treating that customer with respect. What radical concepts!

As a homeowner who does a wee bit of DIY – I’m a fan of Holmes on Homes…when I can bear to watch. It’s an hour of a professional contractor fixing the godawful, so-called “work” of other contractors. Everything from plumbing pipes running on the outside of the wall to nails driven through substandard wiring.

And, frequently, the home owners have already paid the shoddy contractors huge amounts of money…and/or are facing a lien or lawsuit. After all, “We did the work!”

Well yes, indeedy. They did the work. And, yes, the homeowners have walls/heat/electric light/running water. Never mind that the walls are dangerously leaning, the heating fan is installed backwards, the electrical wiring is a fire waiting to happen, or the waste water keeps on running into a big pool around the foundation.

In addition to being grateful I’ve not had to deal with such nightmares, I find myself getting embarrassed for the contractors. It’s even more embarrassing that they don’t seem embarrassed…in fact, don’t apparently see anything wrong. Hey, we did the work! Pay us! (This embarrassment hang-up is also why I can no longer watch I Love Lucy, as fondly as I remember the show from growing up. Painful!…but I digress.)

Unfortunately, this slovenly “I did the work, man” mentality can be found in any industry or job. It’s why so many web site designers, programmers, attorneys, ad agencies (and yes, consultants) get a bad rap. They often deserve it.

So, if you plan to hire any kind of contractor (including a marketer), keep the following in mind:

1. T&M contracts. These shouldn’t be open-ended. Tie time (and deliverables’ quality) to payments.

A friend of mine is still trying to extricate herself from a carpenter’s greedy clutches at her vacation home…since he just keeps going…takes forever to actually finish anything…the place keeps getting messier…and she’s way too nice to flat out fire him. (She also has nothing in writing.)

2. Retainer contracts. This is how I typically work with clients, but I also lay out specifics of what I’ll do and key deliverables. For new clients, I put in a kill clause so they feel comfortable they can fire me at any time, with a bit of notice (never happened, but…)

3. Work product ownership. Any work done for you for pay is yours. Period. If the contract isn’t written that way, find another contractor.

4. (Really) check those references. Certainly, people aren’t going to give you the names of unhappy customers, but make the calls and ask the (right) questions, such as “What happened when there was a problem?” or “How did they notify you of issues?” or “How did they handle bug reports?” The mark of a true pro is what he or she does when there’s a screw up, not when things are running smoothly.

4.5. Google the contractor. Go deeper than the first page. I’ve found pending lawsuits for supposedly reputable consultants.

5. NDAs. Never assume that because the work product ownership is covered, your IP is protected. Get the NDA signed before you start sharing. (There are standard boilerplate forms readily available on the Web, if you need one quickly.)

6. When in doubt, have your (vetted, reputable) attorney review. For that matter, even when you’re not in doubt, even if it’s a “simple” contract – especially if you’ve never worked with the contractor before. Nasty bits can be buried in those there fores and whereas (including the contractor owning your stuff…such as web site domains and code.)

“What could possibly go wrong? They seem like such nice people!” are words that tempt the Gods. That’s why we have contracts. Contracts often won’t prevent problems (or prevent shoddy work) but they can help set parameters that’ll make the other party behave (or at least think twice before they start making threats.)

“Thrival” isn’t in the dictionary (yet)…and not to get all new-agey, life coachy on you…but…

I got another eletter with “business survival tips” today. Didn’t open it, didn’t care. It’ll say pretty much the same thing the other 492 did.

Certainly, we all want to “survive”; however, survival brings to mind other words such as “unemployed” “scrimping” “barely” and “struggling” Depressing all around.

So, what about tips for thriving? Thrival! If I had to name the ONE thing that makes entrepreneurs different than other folks – it’s attitude. Down times, up times, whatever…an entrepreneur keeps going, with high energy and smiles. They can hear “No” a thousand times and keep going for the one “Yes.”

They focus on thrival, not survival.

What is it with product names? First the iPad, now the Streak (Feel free to make your own mental adolescent jokes here).

Full disclosure: I have an iPad, and I love it – because it’s both fun AND functional. (Sales tip: It makes one-on-one presentations both more impressive and personal – and you don’t have to jump through the “user-friendly” hoops of PowerPoint.)

Dell is (once again) trying to go head-to-head with Apple. My prediction? The Streak will be bought by people who don’t want to spring for the iPad, and they may even be happy with it (If they can deal with the much smaller screen). But, will enough of them buy to make Dell’s CFO happy? I doubt it.

I’d also like to have been in the back rooms when Dell decided to release in the UK first. Hmmm….While they’re over there, Apple’s over here – getting all the early adopters and buzzy buzz. The Streak will supposedly be released in the U.S. “later this summer” Really? Bug-free and better than anything Apple offers? I’ll believe it when I see it.

Am I’m being unfair? Maybe. Am I biased? Certainly. However, think about it – when you hear the word “Dell” – is the first (or even third) word you immediately think of “innovation?” What about “fun?” (Even gray-haired “serious” CEOs like to have fun.) No? Well, I rest my case.

Need a little more convincing? Here goes.

From the Dell press release:
“The Dell Streak is a compact and powerful companion for people who want to expand their ability to access their digital lives on the go, and realize tomorrow’s technology today,” the company said. “The spacious 5-inch screen is ideal for experiencing thousands of Android Market widgets, games and applications, all without squinting or compromising portability. Built-in Wi-Fi, Bluetooth and available 3G connectivity brings easy access for downloading and listening to music, updating social networking status in real-time, and staying connected to friends and family through e-mail, text, IM, and voice calls.”

Ron Garriques, president of Dell’s Communication Solutions Group, said the Streak “hits the sweet spot between traditional smartphones and larger-screen tablets.”

Zzzzzz…what? what? Sorry I dozed off there. Yep, we customers get all excited about sweet spots…;-)

And why does “in-between” make me think of the old SNL skit: “It’s a dessert topping AND a floor wax!” (Dell’s Kevin Andrew says the Streak is “kind of the perfect in-between device.” ) Kind of??? That reminds me of those cheapo gimcrackery products you can buy on late-night television (combo toaster, egg poacher and bacon fryer anyone? What? You want three? Heh.)

Read More: The Dell Streak is Not a Tablet, Lance Ulanoff, PCMag. (He likes the name, btw. Guess he’s more mature than me.)

This is one way you can separate the grown-ups from the “kids.” (and kids come in all ages)…the pros from the amateurs.

Pros sometimes fail – we all do.  But, they don’t give you a lot of increasingly lame excuses.  (“My dog didn’t bite you.” “It’s not my dog.” “I don’t have a dog.”)   They give you reasons.  If they fracked up, they’re the first to tell you. Then they give you ideas  how they’ll fix the  problem, without being prompted.

A pro doesn’t wait for you to figure out there’s a problem.  He steps up and admits it. Then, he goes to work to fix it.

A pro doesn’t ask for long detailed lists of how to do a task or project (after all, why are you paying her if you have to do that much ’splaining?)  She has the experience to know what needs to be done to accomplish the goal.

Pros know excuses don’t do anybody any good…particularly when the client is paying for results.

The short, snarky answer: It’s called THINKING! (And following a process isn’t the same as producing results.)

This process query is a red flag question when I’m talking to potential clients. Certainly processes have their place and can be incredibly useful in ensuring consistency and timely project completion.

However, all too often “process” becomes the thing and nothing ever actually gets done. (Talk to some corporate refugees about Malcolm Baldrige one of these days…)

I sometimes use process methodology to help clients plan and focus – but it’s a tool, not a be-all, end-all. (Shhh…I typically don’t call it “process methodology” – we just work through things. I call it – um – “working through things.” We do weird off-the-wall activities like talking, writing tasks down and then doing them.)

If you work with me – or another experienced professional in any field – it should be a given that we have some sort of internal process to get things done. Otherwise, we would have all starved to death by now. Of course, we should tell you what we’re going to deliver and when (in plain English – no insider industry jargon) but giving you the nitty-gritty, micro detail step-by-step plan…uh no. Think of it this way – you can pay us to do the detail dolly stuff or the work you need to make money, reduce stress, grow your business, stay out of jail, etc. etc. (Actually, you won’t be paying us to do the detail work. We won’t take the gig.)

And so it goes within an organization too – do you want to accomplish that goal or plan it to death?

P.S. You also don’t need to wait for the high-dollar, complex software for planning or process control (otherwise you may never get started)…start writing things down and putting them in file folders. Then look at ‘em when you need to evaluate progress or handle an issue. (Cross-filing, a lost art, is also very effective.) No tech, but it works.

Related Posts:
Resist Drive-by Management
Old-Fashioned Technology – It Works!

Just as I was thinking I should resurrect my Twitter account (to follow Lauren Bacall, Craig Ferguson, Coco, and a select few others, such as Roxanne Darling and Michele Miller…no Ashton or Demi, thank you) – I see this headline from my Wired feed:Twitter Unveils Ad-Supported Business Model

Twitter announced Tuesday that it will start showing some sponsored Tweets on some search pages, taking a cautious first step into a traditional advertising business model that could provide a steady source of revenue for the four-year-old, billion-dollar start-up, which doesn’t yet make any serious money.

Why “traditional?” This is the cool, new hip world – we’re all connected, we’re all friends, we’re all singing Kubaya all the time! Who cares about evil lucre? We do. Businesses still need to make money, even when they have names like Twitter, Facebook…and Google.

So, why oh why? Desperation that’s why.  Because “they’re a four-year-old, billion-dollar start-up, which doesn’t yet make any serious money.”

Another example of an idea in search of a business AND how sex still sells in the investor world, despite all the logical reasons VCs give for funding/not funding a company. Plan? Who needs a plan? Show ‘em something new. shiny and HOT!!!…and oh ah! The money wires start to sing. (I KNOW most of these guys are old enough to remember the .com bust.  Some of them may have even been around for that Dutch tulip fiasco.)

I don’t have the answer for Twitter…but would be happy to take part of the $4B to figure it out…;-)

Read more: Twitter Announcements Unnerve Developers (It’s got to be a bit unnerving to Twitter that others are making money from Twitter…)

Recommended Reading: Extraordinary Popular Delusions and The Madness of Crowds

It’s an old saying in the military that “amateurs talk about strategy, professionals talk about logistics.”

From NYT book review: Hubris of a Man Who Thought He Was Napoleon

…supplying an army as huge as Napoleon’s in Russia as it advanced a thousand miles from its bases were formidable to put it mildly.

An army of 120,000 men and 40,000 horses, according to Mr. Lieven, needed 850 carts just to carry a single day’s food and forage. Powder and shot for the artillery, medical care for the sick and wounded, tents and other supplies required many more.

I’m sure Napoleon had a strategy…then the reality of implementation hit…And, of course, the Russians were no fools; the czar dawdled and delayed in negotiating surrender terms until winter was approaching. Long story short – Napoleon started out with over 450,000 men in June 1812, returned with 6,000. The real tragedy (in military terms) was the loss of 175,000 horses (he could and did replace the soldiers.) That loss of transportation and cavalry capabilities dramatically affected France’s military, both strategically and tactically.

Thomas Hardy wrote, “war makes rattling good history.” Just make sure you don’t repeat it in your biz planning.

Think strategically, ACT tactically.

Want to browse through all my posts? Go to The Idea Pool. Everything I’ve written since I started blogging.

A good friend and client calls it the “thunk factor” – building an impressively heavy document for potential investors (or customers). Why, it’s all in there! And, yes, “thunk” definitely has its place – especially if you’re talking about lists of potential customers, qualified sales leads or detailed product specifications. You’ve got to show you’ve been thinking and doing.

However, the downside is that we humans often tend to confuse the “thunking” with thinking.

I see this a lot in reading tech start-ups’ biz plans. Lots of detailed patent info…and three lines about how they’re going to market. Or, pages and pages of meticulous spreadsheets, but nary a mention of talking to a real, live customer. (Market size numbers are meaningless if you don’t have a product people want to buy.)

I admit – I do a fair amount of thunking on behalf of clients, but I back it up with thinking (They’re paying for my brain after all, not my typing.)

Ah, spring!  I know it’s arrived as – once again – the sound of chainsaws reverberate through the neighborhood.   We’ve got yet another season of trees, lopped and topped within (likely) an inch of their lives (if they manage to survive the shock at all).

Last year, my next door neighbor whacked almost 1/2 of an old, old tree – ALL the canopy gone.  I thought they were planning to take the tree down completely, it was so hacked, but no…they left it, to try to struggle back to life with long, spindly limbs (and me having to look at the sad, ugly thing every day.)

In many cases this savage hacking is done by hired “professionals.”  But, hey! Wait a minute – doesn’t “everyone” knows you shouldn’t top trees, just as “everyone” knows you shouldn’t remove more than 1/3 of the limbs at any one time?

Obviously not.  And, even if they do, true professional tree pruning takes time.  Why spend it, when you can charge, lop, and go (and your customer doesn’t know any better?)

All my peeved way of noting – once again – that: a self-anointed pro isn’t always qualified; and b. “Everyone” doesn’t always know.

I leave it to you to make any comments about marketing, hacks and hacking…;-)